e-Nagar

A teacher was trying to teach her classes proper manners. She asked, “Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you needed to go to the bathroom?”
Michael thought a moment and said, “I’d say, ‘Just a minute. I gotta p¡ss!’”
“No, Michael. That would be impolite! Peter, how would you say it?”
Peter replied, “I’m sorry, but I really need to go pee.”
“No, that’s better, but still impolite. Little Johnny, what would you say?”
“I’d say, ‘Darling, may I please be excused for just a moment? I must go shake hands with a dear friend. And, after dinner, I hope you get to meet him!’”

Guy: Excuse me, is your name Gillette?
Girl: No, Why?
Guy: Because you’re the best a man can get!

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop
programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a
river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the
Sunday
market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and
fell
in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood
(the
woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.

The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one
month
of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his
computer in
the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a
match
box and asked, “Is this your computer?” Disappointed by the Goddess’
lack
of computer awareness, the engineer replied, “No.”

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was
his.
Annoyed, the engineer said “No, not at all!!”

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was
his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said “Yes.”

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him
all
three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked
her,
“Don’t you know that you’re supposed to show me some better computers
before bringing up my own?”

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, “I know that, you stupid
donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the
Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!”. So saying, she disappeared
with the Pentium!!

Moral: If you’re not up-to-date with technology trends, it’s better
keep
your mouth shut and let people think you’re a fool than to open your
mouth
and remove all doubt

Woman1: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!
Woman2: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the
mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut
like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with
this stuff I think.
Woman2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you
could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I
think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would
accent my long neck.
Woman1: Oh – that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything
to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder
line.
Woman2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your
shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms
see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes
to fit me so much easier………

Man 1: Haircut?

Man 2: Yeah.

A young man married a beautiful woman who had divorced 10
husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
“Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve
been married ten times?”

“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling
me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in Software ; he was never really sure how it
was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and
get back to me.

Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything
checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the
system up.

Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had
the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process
but wanted three years to research, implement, and design
a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how,
but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he
was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk
about it.

Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was ….
God, I miss him!

But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited!”

“Good,” said the husband, “but, why?”

“You’re with the Government. This time I KNOW I’m gonna
get SCREWED!!

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what’s your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : “…And are you sure you love me and no one else ?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.