A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
June 17, 2005
ugly baby
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
innovative lie detector
Police interrogated a suspect by placing
ametal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a
photocopymachine. The message “He’s lying” was placed in the
copier, and police pressedthe copy button each time they thought
the suspect wasn’t telling thetruth. Believing the “lie detector”
was working, the suspect confessed.
funny, but this system actually works in Bihar.
actual incident with my credit card
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card. She informed me that she would not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she
explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I
signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared
(even put on her glasses) that signature to the one I signed on
the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
car accident
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it’s a bad one.
Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the
clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi
sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a
rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but we are
unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that
we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest
of our days.”
The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must be a
sign from God.”
The rabbi continues, “And look at this. Here’s another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David
wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and
celebrate our good fortune.” Then he hands the bottle to the
priest.
The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle
back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts
the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.
The priest asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The rabbi replies, “No…I think I’ll wait for the police.”
