e-Nagar

“I’m gonna get a divorce, Bill. My wife hasn’t spoken with me in months!” Bill considered this news before replying, “Are you sure, Jack? Women like that are hard to find!”

****************

“Mom! I think I’ve met the girl of my dreams. What do I do?” His mother replied, “Why not send her flowers and invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?” “Good idea.” A week later, his mother called him to see how it went. “I was totally humiliated,” he groaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.” “What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother. “That’s a wonderful gesture.” He replied, “But we hadn’t started eating yet!”

Q. What makes men run after women they have no intention of marrying?

A. The same thing that makes dogs run after cars they have no
intention of driving.

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“Dad?” said the newly licensed teen to his minister father, “I need to borrow the family car.”
“Son, I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the Bible more and get a haircut and then ask me again.”
A few weeks passed and the boy asked again. “Son, I’m proud of the progress you’ve made. You brought your grades up and studied the Bible more, but your hair is even longer than it was before.”
“Well, Dad, here’s what I’ve learned from the Bible: Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.”
To which his minister father replied, “Yes, son, that’s true. And everywhere they went, they walked!”

A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I’m going into retrieve it.”
The old farmer replied. “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the NC three-Kick Rule?”
The Farmer replied. “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it’s my turn.”
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”

********************

Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students

Duniya mein bewafaon ki kami nahin hai.

Ab suraj ko hi dekh lo-
Aata hai Usha ke saath,
Rehta hai Kiran ke saath,
Aur jaata hai Sandhya ke saath!

**************************

“We got divorced over religious differences,” said the cute blonde.
“Oh, really?” answered her friend.
“Yeah. He thought he was God and I didn’t!”
************

Winston Churchill was at a swanky state dinner, seated beside a snooty member of the British aristocracy, and drinking more and more.
Finally, Madame looked down her nose at him and sneered, “You, sir, are drunk!”
“And you, ma’am, are ugly. But tomorrow morning, when we wake up, I’ll be sober!”

Two kids were playing when one suggested, “Let’s play doctor.”
The other said, “Good idea. You operate and I’ll sue!”

These are the Leave letters written by the Employees of some companies to their boss seeking few days leave….the way they wrote is really amusing !!!

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my
wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was
performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:

“as I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was
performing his daughter’s wedding:

“as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for
it, please grant me 10 days leave.”

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may
not return, please grant me half day casual leave”

6. An incident of a leave letter

“I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.”

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I
request you to leave me today”

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

“As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”

9. Covering note:

“I am enclosed herewith…”

10. Another one:

“Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…”

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:

“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband
at home I may be granted leave”.

12. Letter writing: -

“I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.”

13. A candidate’s job application:

“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and
an Accountant – Male or Female’… As I am both(!! )for the past
several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am
applying for the post.