e-Nagar

2000 BC “Here, eat this root.”
1000 AD: “That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.”
1850 AD: “That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.”
1900 AD: “That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.”
1950 AD: “That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.”
2000 AD: “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.”

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Once, when British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli was addressing the House of Lords, a member interrupted him and shouted, “You, sir, are either mad or diseased!”
Disraeli stared him down and calmly replied, “That depends, sir, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress!”

Years ago, an old Native American wanted to borrow $500. The banker asked him, “What are you going to do with the money?” “Take jewelry to city and sell it.” “What do you have for collateral?” “Don’t know ‘collateral.’” “That’s something of value that worth more than the loan. Do you have a vehicle?” “Yes. 1949 pickup.” The banker shook his head. “What about livestock?” “Yes. A horse.” “How old?” “Don’t know. No teeth.” Eventually, the banker decided to make the loan anyway. A few weeks later, the man returned to the bank with a roll of bills. “Here to pay,” he said, as he peeled off a few bills to pay off his loan. “What are you going to do with the rest of that money?” asked the banker. “Put in tepee.” “Why not deposit it in my bank?” “Don’t know ‘deposit.’” “That means you give us your money and we take care of it for you. When you need it, you can withdraw it.” The old Indian leaned across the desk, “What you got for collateral?”

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo (woe is me)
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 kg may vary from 40 – 200 kg
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all shopping malls

Physical properties :
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct pints

Chemical properties :
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common uses :
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

Test :
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Potential hazards :
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

Warning
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE

John loved to play the guitar, but lost his arm in an accident. He became so depressed that he decided to commit suicide. As he stood on the ledge of a tall building, preparing to jump off, he saw a man below him, dancing along the sidewalk. He was amazed to see that this man was missing both of his arms! “Why should I feel sorry for myself?” he thought. “There’s a man with no arms, and he’s happy and obviously loving life!” John hurried down, caught up to the man, and told him his story.

“Thank you for saving my life. If you can be happy with no arms, then surely I can be happy with one!” The stranger continued dancing. John finally asked, “So why are you so happy?” The man replied, “I’m not really that happy. It’s just that my ass itches!”

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working
the moment you get up in the morning and does not
stop until you get into the office.

- Robert Frost

Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
remember you when he is
in trouble again.

Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but then again,
neither does milk.

Customer Service Operator: “Hello. How may I help you?” Blonde: “Yes, I need Jack’s telephone number?” Operator: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Who are you talking about?” Blonde: “Your User Guide clearly states on section 17, page 5, that I need to unplug my fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, what’s Jack’s phone number?”