A man and his wife were sitting in the living room when he said, “Just so you know, dear, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine, and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, I want you to pull the plug.”
So his wife unplugged the TV and dumped out his beer!
MATRIMONIAL AD’S by PROFESSIONALS (Must Read)
*DOCTOR**
Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage.
I’m looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.
SOFTWARE ENGINEER
Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features (privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities). There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her. Low Bugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build. She must not be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application & CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY OTHER Customer.
BEGGAR
Allah ke nam pe koi ek biwi de de, Doosre ki nahi to apni hi de de, Allah tujhe ek ke badle do dega, Hillary hogi to Monika bhi dega
LAWYER
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I’m looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. . Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.
BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
SHAYAR
Badi muddat ke baad ek arzoo jaagi hai, Ki hum bhi shadi shuda ho jaye, Kya vajah shadi karane ki jo kahde sahi sahi, To yaaron ab khud se kaam ghar ka hota nahi.
DRUNKER
Wanted a girl. Girl’s father should preferably have a soda factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come home. Friends come home only seven times a week. Girl preferred will carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.
CAR MECHANIC
Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above average and must run the household at a good average.** ** *
*And Finally, A Chartered Accountant*
*Wanted a wife with tallied interests. Fixed Assets should be in a working Condition, not subject to depreciation. Enough long term cash liquidity is highly appreciated. Past related party disclosures is required. Inventory must be valued at present realizable value & not at historical cost. *
*Should be able to discount any contingent liabilities in future husband. Interested person please apply at…………. *
One golfer said to another, “Guess what? I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!” The other golfer replied, “Great trade!”
If there are 800 stocks in the BSE (and 30 blue chips which represent BSE, 50 which represent the Nifty and only 100 in the A category) there are more than a 1000 financial schemes which help me pick that one stock which will pay off for my child’s education.
Simple statistics tell me that I am many times more likely to pick the best stock rather the pick the best mutual fund/financial instrument.
Another thing I hate about mutual funds is that they are advertisement driven. Some of the best and undervalued instruments like Index Funds, closed ended Mutual funds (which trade at 20% discount) are never talked about because they do not pay the journalists.
3rdly I feel the entry/exit load (1.5%), the Asset Management fees (2.5% p.a.) are too high.
4thly All mutual funds advertise their fancy investment ideas, but ultimately boil down to a strong correlation with the sensex. When markets fall they bleed, when they rise they mint gold. I am yet to find even a single sectorial or niche fund (with an investment of >100cr) which has beated the Sensex consistently for over 5years.
Also there are some ridiculous concepts creeping up
1. Basket of Funds:
If your mutual fund is not doing good enough then pay to another manager who will manage him… Just like Inspector raj one inspector to oversee the working of another.
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Why Mutual fund:
1.Fund Manager for the poor:
Not everyone has the risk appetite or the knowledge or time to sit with charts projections and derive an investment strategy.
Minimizes the risks shock and the gambling tendency.
You just have to identify the sector which looks attractive and leave the micro-management to the experts.
Tax breaks:
Long term capital investment and dividends from MF is tax free.
ELSS (equity linked savings scheme) SIP (systematic investment plan) gives you good tax shield.
PE RATIO
I here briefly intend to discuss the significance of P/E (Price Earning) ratio.
Traditionally PE ratio means the division of the Profits (earning) of a company by its price. If you expect the rate of return of 10% then a stock with PE ratio of <10 should be a good buy.
Things that can alter the PE ratio calculation:
People do not mind paying high premium to Industries like IT, Pharma, logistics which have high growth potential. Next year the revenue might be much higher and so will be the return prospectus.
The balance sheets of privatized companies, merged/acquired companies usually take some time before it gets reflected as profits.
Beware of the concept of other income. Which usually arises from one time sale of land/ machinery/assets or financial jugglery. It is a one time income and is no reflection of the strength of the company.
A good promoter and management often command a premium because of the underlying track record and trust.
Often changes in global scenario lead to opening on newer opportunities and companies can expect a boom.
An interest rate of 6% means a PE of 16 is attractive, but a interest rate of 7% means PE has to be at most 14.
