A Foreigner had a very spicy Indian dinner Next morning he came out of the toilet & said…now I understand why Indians use water this bloody tissue paper can catch fire!!
February 28, 2006
February 27, 2006
Guts
Arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
February 24, 2006
Denise
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.” The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother — he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?” “Denise,” the doctor says. The new mother thinks, “Wow, that’s not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!” Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?” The doctor replies, DeNephew.
February 22, 2006
cow slaughter
Hillary Clinton was riding in her limousine through a rural area when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. He swerved to avoid it but failed and the aged bovine was struck and killed. She told him to go to the nearby farmhouse and explain to its owners what had happened while she sat in the car on her cell phone. An hour later, her driver staggered back to the car, his clothes in disarray, a nearly-empty bottle of wine in one hand, a big Cuban cigar in his mouth, and a big smile on his lipstick-smeared face. “What in the hell happened?” asked Hillary. He replied sheepishly, “The farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me for the past hour!” “What? Why? My God, man, what did you tell them?” she asked. He replied, “I just said, ‘I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver and I’ve just killed the old cow!’ And the rest just happened!”
DUI
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”.
February 21, 2006
another puzzle
A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was required. He waited by the door and listened.
A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, “Twelve.” The member replied, “six” and was let in.
A second member came to the door and the doorman said, “Six.” The member replied, “Three” and was let in.
The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said,”Ten” and the man replied, “five.” But he was not let in.
What should have he said?
