Hillary Clinton was riding in her limousine through a rural area when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. He swerved to avoid it but failed and the aged bovine was struck and killed. She told him to go to the nearby farmhouse and explain to its owners what had happened while she sat in the car on her cell phone. An hour later, her driver staggered back to the car, his clothes in disarray, a nearly-empty bottle of wine in one hand, a big Cuban cigar in his mouth, and a big smile on his lipstick-smeared face. “What in the hell happened?” asked Hillary. He replied sheepishly, “The farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me for the past hour!” “What? Why? My God, man, what did you tell them?” she asked. He replied, “I just said, ‘I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver and I’ve just killed the old cow!’ And the rest just happened!”
February 22, 2006
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”.