A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a pub and said: “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Yes I do,” replied the beautiful young woman, “But go ahead, as I’m sure you’re going to ask me anyway…”
“OK,” said the shy, drunken, innocent young man, “How many men have you slept with?”
“That’s none of your business!” snapped the woman.
“Oh, cool!” said the young man. “I didn’t realize you made a living at it!
May 31, 2006
business
May 29, 2006
life of a teacher
After being interviewed by the school principal, the prospective teacher said,
“Let me make sure I’ve got this right:
you want me to take a room full of kids, fill them with a love for learning, instill pride in their ethnicity, maintain a safe environment, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, check their heads for lice, censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons, raise their self esteem, teach them patriotism, citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, how to apply for a job, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, make sure they all pass mandatory state exams (even those who don’t attend regularly or finish assignments), give every student an equal education (regardless of mental or physical handicaps), communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, email, and report card, provide many of my own supplies since you have no budget to do so, and all on a salary that qualifies my family for food stamps?
You expect me to do all this and then you expect me to not pray?!”
May 25, 2006
May 12, 2006
useful Acronyms
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.
ISDN:It Still Does Nothing
APPLE:Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI:System Can’t See It
DOS:Defective Operating System
BASIC:Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM:I Blame Microsoft
DEC:Do Expect Cuts
CD-ROM:Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
OS/2:Obsolete Soon, Too.
WWW:World Wide Wait
MACINTOSH:Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM:Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of
Mathematics
COBOL:Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AMIGA:A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
LISP:Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
MIPS:Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS:Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
GIRO:Garbage In Rubbish Out
MICROSOFT:Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for)
Fools (&) Teenagers.
first day in Med college
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy
class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the
surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor
started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it Is necessary to
have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be
disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the
Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the
corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.” Go ahead and
do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out,
hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a
finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told
them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my
Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger…. Now learn to pay
attention.”
