In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.
Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald’s.
In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, “Dad, you’re invading my space.”
Little Johnny answered the doorbell smoking a big cigar.
“Is your mother home, little boy?” asked the traveling salesman.
Flicking ash on the salesman’s shoes, he replied, “What do you think?”
The psychic gazed at her Tarot cards and delivered the bad news: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s just no easy way to say this: prepare to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent, horrible death within the year.”
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths, composed herself and asked, “Will I get away with it?”
Death is hereditary.
Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
Last year our school district spent $100,000 on a new school bus so our kids wouldn’t have to walk to school.
This year they spent $1,000,000 on a new gymnasium so the kids can get some exercise!
Sometimes we are so much engrossed in the solution that we forget the problem.
The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service proposed an alternative for controlling the coyote population to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower’s Association. For years ranchers had shot and trapped coyotes, but the tree-huggers wanted a “more humane” solution:
capture the coyotes alive, castrate the males, and release them all again and the population would be controlled. The ranchers considered this idea for about a minute before an old boy stood up in the back of the room and said, “I don’t think you boys understand the problem. Those coyotes ain’t f*¢kin’ our sheep — they’re eatin’ ‘em!”