Dear Sirs:
Thank you for bouncing my check to my plumber. By my calculation, at least three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years. Congratulations for seizing that brief window of opportunity and for debiting my account $30 for the inconvenience I caused your bank.
This incident has made me rethink my errant financial ways. Whereas I personally answered your telephone calls and letters, when I attempt to contact you I am confronted by the impersonal, pre-recorded, overcharging, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I shall be more like you. Therefore, my mortgage and loan payments will hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to a bank employee whom you may nominate. Be aware that under the U. S. Postal Act, it is a crime for any other person to open such an envelope.
Attached is my Application Contact which your chosen employee is required to complete. I am sorry that it runs eight pages, but I want to know as much about him or her as you know about me. Be sure that all copies of his or her medical history are countersigned by a notary public. The details of his or her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) are mandatory and must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, at my convenience, I will issue your employee a special PIN number which he or she must quote in future dealings with me. It may not be shorter than 28 digits because that is the number of button presses it takes me to access my account balance on your automated telephone voice system.
To level the playing field further, when you call me, for English press 1;
to make an appointment, press 2;
to query a missing payment, press 3;
to transfer your call to my living room, press 4;
to transfer the call to my bedroom, press 5;
to transfer the call to my toilet, press 6;
to transfer the call to my mobile phone, press 7;
to make a general complaint or inquiry, press 8.
To leave a message, you must first request a username and password; once your username is approved, a password will be mailed to you at a later date and time convenient to me and only to that previously specified Chosen Contact mentioned above.
To return to the main menu, press star;
to listen to your options again, press pound.
Enjoy the prerecorded uplifting music.
Again following your example, there will be an establishment fee to cover our new arrangement.
Sincerely,
Your Customer.
nice post!
keep it up!
sharad
Comment by Sharad Mathur — April 27, 2007 @ 9:17 pm
Thank Musing and Sharad
Welcome to E-Nagar
@sree….
haven’t u heard of trainers?
Comment by pegasus — April 27, 2007 @ 9:42 pm
trainers either fade away or get eaten up
Comment by srisviews — April 27, 2007 @ 10:35 pm
i thought monkeys are herbivorous.
Comment by pegasus — April 27, 2007 @ 10:56 pm
Yes..they are.
I was referring to the cats
Comment by srisviews — April 27, 2007 @ 11:28 pm
cats are the civilized victims here. its the monkey i am curious about
Comment by pegasus — April 27, 2007 @ 11:39 pm
and I , of the mean cat with the full slice
Comment by srisviews — April 27, 2007 @ 11:50 pm
these monkeys are gold diggers.
Comment by pegasus — April 28, 2007 @ 12:04 am
u mean the degree varies ..but the bottomline is all are bad , rt?
Comment by srisviews — April 28, 2007 @ 12:27 am
i mean if u r working in a gold mine, it helps to be short and agile… isn’t it.. a 6 feet tall guy will develop some serious back-ache in such conditions.
I hope meneka is not against the monkeys who volunteer to help our economy
Comment by pegasus — April 28, 2007 @ 8:22 am
Pegasus…wake up
Birds of a feather…….
Comment by srisviews — April 28, 2007 @ 9:20 am
nahiiiiiiii….
cats are innocent lovable honest hardworking creatures…. who like to earn their own bread…..
the satanic monkeys cannot corrupt their morals and determination
Comment by pegasus — April 28, 2007 @ 9:24 am
I did not mean the cats and u know it
now lets try again….
wld a beneficiary antogonise the benefactor ?
Comment by srisviews — April 28, 2007 @ 9:30 am
typically no, but…
there are some ungrateful guys who bite the very hand that feed you…
nehow i have a feeling this discussion is going to get nasty…. and the only reason i could survive these 25 years is by evading such arguments….
who can predict when these ltte supports wear a nitrogen lined jacket and pull the trigger
Comment by pegasus — April 28, 2007 @ 9:39 am
//survive these 25 years is by evading such arguments….//
I am losing faith in my comprehension….
Comment by srisviews — April 28, 2007 @ 9:44 am
and thats why u r still in school.
Comment by pegasus — April 28, 2007 @ 9:50 am
no amt of schooling is going to help in this…
either the comprehension is wrong
or the given facts are wrong …
and my judgements tips towards the second
Comment by srisviews — April 28, 2007 @ 9:57 am
looks like it was a poor attempt to invent a joke…. so lets forget about it.
Comment by pegasus — April 28, 2007 @ 10:08 am
there u go again
Comment by srisviews — April 28, 2007 @ 10:17 am
Nice post, I’d like to send one such letter to my bank and telephone company too ! ha ha
Comment by cyberkitty — April 28, 2007 @ 12:02 pm