The wisdom of our time

It’s not whether you win or lose,
But how you place the blame.

You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.

The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.

A fool and his money
Can throw one hell of a party.

when blondes have more fun
do they know it?

Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it’s an amusement park.

LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS’ MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL

Money isn’t everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Don’t Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don’t succeed
Skydiving is not for you.

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

Time’s fun when you’re having flies.
……Kermit the Frog

We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.

One good thing about Alzheimer’s is
you get to meet new people every day.

Friends don’t let friends
take ugly people home.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.

Gaseous clouds
have been detected
around Uranus.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.

GUN CONTROL:
Using both hands

The more I learn about terrorism,
the more I understand the phone company.

The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population

Calling an illegal alien an ‘undocumented immigrant’
Is like calling a drug dealer an ‘unlicensed pharmacist