e-Nagar

It’s not whether you win or lose,
But how you place the blame.

You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.

The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.

A fool and his money
Can throw one hell of a party.

when blondes have more fun
do they know it?

Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it’s an amusement park.

LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS’ MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL

Money isn’t everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Don’t Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don’t succeed
Skydiving is not for you.

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

Time’s fun when you’re having flies.
……Kermit the Frog

We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.

One good thing about Alzheimer’s is
you get to meet new people every day.

Friends don’t let friends
take ugly people home.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.

Gaseous clouds
have been detected
around Uranus.

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.

GUN CONTROL:
Using both hands

The more I learn about terrorism,
the more I understand the phone company.

The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population

Calling an illegal alien an ‘undocumented immigrant’
Is like calling a drug dealer an ‘unlicensed pharmacist

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. The farm had a large pond in the back, properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some peaches. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”
The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies Swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”
Holding the bucket up he said, “I’m here to feed the alligator.”
Some old men can still think fast.

“Honey, I’m worried. We don’t have enough food for all these guests.”
“I was thinking the same thing. Did you invite some of them without telling me?”
“No. Some of them are crashers. But which ones?”
Her husband had an idea. He got everyone’s attention and said, “Will those from the bride’s side of the family please stand?” and about a dozen people stood up.
Then he asked, “Will those from the groom’s side of the family stand up as well?” and ten more people stood.
His smile changed to a stern grimace. “Now, everyone standing: leave. This is a birthday party!”