A newly-married couple was shopping when the bride noticed her husband checking out yet another cute sales clerk. “Bill! You’re like a kid in a candy store!” she reprimanded. “Now that we’re married,”
Bill replied, “I’m more like a kid with diabetes in a candy store!”
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Definitions
Birth Control Pill: The other thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Spouse: Someone you screw occasionally to get the chores done.
Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then, one guy turns to the other, hands him a bill, and says, “Hey, here’s that $20 I owe you.”
—
Jokes apart,
Today in the crowded bus, somebody picked my pocket and stole my phone. (so I would be without a cellphone or any electronics gadget for the next 30 days)
The strangest thing is that all throughout the trip, I was concerned by my wallet. One of my closest friend whose phone got stolen 6 months ago, also had the same feeling just before his phone was stolen. I wonder how often do we exhibit clairvoyance, getting a bad feeling just before something bad has happened.
1. 3 Easy Ways to Die :
Take a Cigar daily – You will die 10 years early.
Drink Rum daily – You will die 30 years early.
Love Someone Truly – You will die daily.
2. A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
3. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage – Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage – Drink whenever you are HAPPY
4. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER – Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..
5. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
6.. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path..
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend – You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend – You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
8.. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness – Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
10. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.
- Forwarded by Lux
Apple with 21,000 employees can generate an annual revenue of over 25Billion USD
Microsoft with 79,000 employees generate a revenue of 51 Billion USD
While Infosys with over 90,000 employees generate a revenue of just 3 billion USD.
Similarly Wipro and TCS have more than the workforce of Microsoft, yet they generate only 5-6% of the revenues which this software giant generates.
Now for these companies to reach the size of Microsoft or any other technology giant, need to generate atleast 20 times the revenue. And going by the past trends, the only way they can achieve that is by hiring 20 times the workforce.
i.e. hiring 1.8 million employees each. Staggering numbers, isn’t. Even at current levels these companies find it hard to hire. I wonder if it is feasible to ever reach 1.8 million workforce.
The other approach might be to make the workers work 20 times harder… i.e. instead of a regular 8 hour shift, make them work 160 hours shift. Unfortunately a day has only 24 hours. Also almost everybody from Indian IT industry that I meet is swamped with work. They already put in long hours and I doubt if making them work any harder would benefit at all.
Ever wondered how can a country of a billion souls be short in labor?
Why is it that all the industries are finding shortage of manpower?
So the answer lies in productivity. The companies need to work smarter, cut the flab, inefficiencies and need to start respect employee’s time and efforts. Only after they start doing that, can they get the most out of an employees.
If you look at farmer suicide, the reason is not availability of loans or bad monsoon. The fundamental reason is low productivity. The average per capita income of a farmhand is couple of dollars per day of manual labor. On top of that if you add the fact that urban labors are paid either daily/weekly/monthly, while a farmer earns his bulk of income during harvest which happens 2-3 times a year, poverty is inevitable. The only way around would be to increase productivity. Either by encouraging surplus labor to move to cities or by opening up more and more rural industries. However productivity is never a key word whenever I hear about India’s grand plans to beat the West in development.
I took TCS, INFOSYS and Wipro as an example. Primarily because these are believed to be the most modern of Indian companies. Also it is easier for IT companies to enforce the best business practices than the legacy Brick and Mortor industry.
A guy took a blonde out on a date. Eventually they ended up parked at a “lovers point” where they started making out. After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her “Do you want to get into the back seat?” “NO!” she answered. Okay, he thought, maybe she’s not ready yet.
Now he has her shirt and skirt off, the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again, “Do you want to get into the back seat?” “NO!” she answers again.
Now he has her bra off, they’re both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped. Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now.
“Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?” he asks again.
“NO!” she answers yet again.
Frustrated, he demands “Well, why not!”
“Because I want to stay up front here with you!”
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Doesn’t this joke refresh some old memories?
i saw this article on my fav blog. and i could not stop laughing.
I RECENTLY overheard an interesting conversation between two co-workers. After a female economist returned from a sun-filled holiday a male colleague (also an economist) remarked, “You look much hotter tan.”
She thanked him, but noted the decision to tan may suffer from time inconsistency. “A tan marginally increases your attractiveness now, but you will regret it in twenty years when your skin looks like leather. One day I will look back and think: why did I bother? I looked fine tan or pale in my youth. You fool yourself tanning by now and thinking you won’t care about the consequences in the future.”
He argued the value of looking your best when young is greater than the value of looking better when old. Beautiful women attract more suitors. Thus, looking great now improves a woman’s marriage prospects. The dividends of which will pay off for the rest of her life (securing the necessary botox). He suspected her discount rate is too low.
She countered as you get older the marriage market become more competitive for women, all the more reason to maintain a smooth complexion. Also vanity does not diminish as you age.
No complement between two economists goes unpunished.