Dear Staff,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy in US since last Christmas, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early
Workers). A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as
Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by management. Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention
of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Management
— Forwarded by Augustin
Ankur Aggarwal
sree
Sandip Chaudhuri
vbr
skabeesh
The current crisis is more scarier than what I thought.
Comment by Karthi — December 18, 2008 @ 1:00 pm
well it sure is… but after analyzing all the recessions and crisis that have befallen the earthlings over the last century or so, I can only conclude that with each recession the companies come out more stronger and gets rid of all the wastes and opulence that slowly and steadily crepes into their system.
How is ur new job going? I am sure this recession would have only eased the difficulties in hiring new comrades.
Comment by Ankur Aggarwal — December 18, 2008 @ 1:25 pm
Hahaha…
It make the crisis become worst more~
I will transfer this into my website and comment about it.
Comment by DSvT — December 18, 2008 @ 5:48 pm
[...] Took this from ENagar.com, post title as Management Letter. [...]
Pingback by Life beside the edge » Blog Archive » Letter from The Management — December 18, 2008 @ 6:04 pm
Ankur, retiring at the age of 40 can be the most difficult situation one can face. This is the time when your responsibilities are maximum. How long do you think this slow down will exist?
Comment by pr3rna — December 18, 2008 @ 7:19 pm
@DSvt…
sure… after all i also stole it from some forward….
@prerna…
temporary unemployment always happens… trust me when i say nobody retires at 40 against their own wishes… one finds himself unemployable because … he has an inflated pay package.. or he has not taken time out to network or acquire skills… 6 months of retrenchment is all it takes to get rid of both the evils… most of us never will have to ever worry about putting food on the table.
http://www.livemint.com/2008/12/18210402/Beyond-the-usual-suspects.html
however all said and done.. i believe that for the Indian markets, the worst is yet to come… november industrial production figures were down. but it will take 3 months before the entire economy would understand its implications.
Comment by Ankur Aggarwal — December 18, 2008 @ 10:16 pm
haha, no wonder organizations introduce new schemes
Comment by bhanu kishore — December 21, 2008 @ 6:38 am