From an email forward:
I’m not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people
If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson’s No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?
God: An invisible friend for adults
A religious war is like children fighting over who has the strongest imaginary friend
You shouldn’t say anything mean about people who can’t read. You should write it instead.
Imagine there were no hypothetical situations.
He didn’t know if it was a gun in her pocket or she was just pleased to see him, but neither option looked good.
Anyone can quit smoking, it takes a real man to fight cancer
Tennis is a fickle sport. No matter how good you are at it, a wall will always be better.
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, whern you insult him, you’ll be a mile away, and have his shoes.
The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
I still miss my ex-girlfriend… but my aim is improving
coffee just isn’t my cup of tea
Duct tape is like ‘the force, it has a dark side, a light side and it holds the universe together
Cancel my subscription caused I’m over your issues!
It appears the location of my fist and your head are not mutually exclusive! It is a probability miracle!
I got cold hard cash for Christmas. Five bucks frozen in a block of ice.
Faith may move mountains but it was the whip that built the pyramids.
I used to think I was indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
You can’t have “manslaughter” without “laughter”
NEW BRIDGE HELD UP BY RED TAPE
If vegetarians eat only vegetables, what about humanitarians?