1. When it comes to Chocolate, resistance is futile
2. Your job won’t take care of you when you are ill, but your family and friends will.
Stay in touch.
3. No one is incharge of your hapiness but you.
4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
5. The best is yet to come.
There is always a difference between what a person intends to say, what he says and what those words means. Since the society expects us to be polite and diplomatic, often what we say and what we meant to say are totally opposite. However all that counts is what the recipient interprets those words and a test of smartness is how well the person can pick the clues and his interpretation is close to the true intention of the person.
For example words like “We will think about it” might suggest giving some hope to the audience, but in reality it is a way to procrastinate things indefinitely.
Similarly any social meeting/date requires all the parties to agree on 3 things.
1. The idea of spending time with the person
2. A mutually convenient time
3. A venue that is socially apt and is comfortable.
Often to cut short a conversation with an acquaintance, we say words like “This was good, we should do it sometime again”. However if neither party makes any attempt from the either side to fix the time or venue, it just means the end of the entire conversation. It’s just that they want to end it on a happy note so that next time fate brings them together, then could build on this pleasant foundation.
Often people confuse between being polite and being friendly. If they are lucky, they don’t have to learn from these mistakes the hard way. However I wonder if there is a place where one can get a crash course on social skills.
Note: You have to be tech nerd to enjoy this joke.
A programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can’t find a girlfriend with a good on her, reason 0 being that he has limited cache. So he searched his memory to recall connecting to the TCP/IP tunnel of his last girlfriend — sometimes even without a secure socket. She used to complain about his lack of comments. He fumed, “I hate commenting!” Realizing it was a program requirement, he told her she had nice bits. This resulted in a Syntax Error. Now she demanded a massage, but this was rejected as “Feature Creep.” He smacked her back end and shouted, “Who’s your parent node?!” He scanned for open ports. He attempted to install a backdoor worm, but her response was 403. While his data uploaded into her input device, she considered terminating the process. But instead, she initiated a Do While loop where she recalled a previous boyfriend with a larger pointer. To expedite the routine, she screamed, “Hack into my system! Hack deep into my system! You’re 1337, baby!” This caused his stack to overflow and he shot his GUI on her interface.
Here are few of the commonly used investment techniques of leading Islamic banks.
1. Mudaraba: It is a partnership agreement where one partner provides the funds while the other manages it.
2. Musharaka: It is similar to the previous technique with the only difference being that the managing partner also provides with a part of the capital required. Hence there is a greater incentive to investing wisely.
3. Murabaha: Here the bank buys out the inventory/goods/assets and then later on resells it back to the firm at a pre-defined mark-up. Although the mark-up is very similar to the interest rate payable to conventional instruments, the bank bears the risk of obsolesce of the goods/services.
4. Ijara: This is a leasing agreement where the bank buys the assets and leases it back to its clients.
5. Salam: It is a forward buying agreement used for agricultural produce.
6. Istisna: It is used to finance construction or commission manufacturing projects. Here one party buys the goods and other party undertakes to manufacture them.
A Nigerian Terrorist Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab boarded an airline with explosives in his crotch. From the pictures of his charred underpants, I might not be surprised if he had figured out a way to use his hanging organs as a fuse. Seriously who lights his underpants on fire in an aircraft.
My problem is that now whenever I am going through a security check the security guard will not only rub his hands all over my body but now he has an extra reason to frisk my crotch too. The authorities claim to be perfectly normal and routine, yet the person ahead of me is rarely subjected to same level of molestation.
A year ago PVR had ensured that all the patrons were hand frisked by security guards before entering the show of Dostana. (a bollywood movie about a gay couple) Considering that every one of customer to the theatre had passed the security check at the entrance of the mall, I am wondering if this measure was to satisfy one of the CEO’s private fantasies.
During my stay in France, my European friends always used to wonder why I was so reluctant in sharing my residence address with the authorities or carrying any identity papers. Now if I start inquiring them about the security screening at the venue every time we make any plans for an outing, am I going to send out a wrong message? Guys help me! How can I enjoy a normal social life and yet keep another man’s hand off my crotch?
