I always tried to pick up women with tattoos. My logic is: Here’s a woman capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future!”
“I braked as hard as I could, but I still hit the car in front of me. A gorgeous blonde got out and yelled, ‘Ram me up the a$$, why don’t you?’ And this, your honor, is where I believe all the confusion began.”
Marriage is like a deck of cards: at first, you only need two hearts and a diamond, but by the end, you sometimes wish you had a club and a spade!
Hehehe, well I won’t bore you with the cliches you hear on this topic. But what’s making me laugh is the specific incident which caused my quitting. Wish I could say that it was something trite as a parent’s scold or a girlfriend’s emotional blackmail. It was the police, and no, I wasn’t caught per se…well almost.
I was at the pragati maidan in delhi during the India International Trade Fair this winter’s start. For the last 3 months, I had forgotten what a weekend was, so standing there at my company’s stall watching families, friends and couples enjoy the atmosphere was beginning to tell on me. To say that I was pissed off was to say the Bay of Bengal is damp.
So, taking a cigarette break at every possible excuse to leave the stall, I would stroll to a convenient, private corner while listening to the continuous announcement – this is a no plastic and no smoking zone…like I gave a damn. Well it turns out I should have – given a damn.
This particular constable is slim for a change. God damn it, he is fitter than Me! This must be a new joinee, untouched by the system and ready to change the world. And here I am, unexcercised since, well, forever. And I have smoke in my lungs. With less than fifty feet between us, I ran. Didn’t see where I was heading, didn’t see who I was bumping, just made Forrest gump proud. When I finally merged into the crowd and started panting, my thought train started chugging. If it wasn’t for the cigarette, I could have excercised and be fitter, and run better without feeling nauseated and pukish. To hell, if it wasn’t for the ciggy, I wouldn’t BE running.
Chuck the damn thing, along with any thing that makes me move my a.., ahem, feet at such a rapid pace. Laziness is too great a feeling to be wasted on any damn thing.
1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear out your computer’s history when you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize that you are wrong
3. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
4. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and pinning the tail on the Donkey. But I would bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
Sent to you by pegasus via Google Reader:
via Dilbert Daily Strip on 12/14/10
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