e-Nagar

Several years ago, I came home from a business trip in a terrible storm with crashing thunder and lightning. As I entered the bedroom, I found our two frightened kids in bed with my wife. So I slept in the guest room that night. The next day, I explained to the kids that it was okay to sleep with Mom during a storm, but when I was expected home, they had to sleep in their own beds. Several weeks later, my wife and kids picked me up at the airport. My plane was late and a dense crowd packed the baggage area. As I entered, my son saw me and came running, shouting, “Daddy! Guess what? Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!” The terminal grew very quiet!
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Wife: “Honey, I want you to whisper dirty things to me.” Husband: “Kitchen, living room, bathroom…”

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How is Christmas like a day at the office? You do all the work and some fat man in a suit gets all the credit!

For Christmas this year, I got the usual: a shirt and a piece of a$$ …both about two sizes too big!

1. Needless to say select a site that is flat, level and dry. After all the aim is to have a good night’s sleep.

2. Avoid sites with a tall grasses and undergrowth. Although such areas look beautiful and scenic, but the tall grasses hide the branches, stones and uneven underlying surface beneath them. Not to mention it is a potential fire hazard and home for various pests and reptiles.

3. Near Water: Almost all pictures of landscape involves a house near a stream/water body. But building a temporary accommodation near them can be tricky for an amateur. A) Oceans (and large rivers like Ganges) are prone to high tide. So if you have not accounted for it, then water would seep into your tent and wake up exactly at midnight. Ponds/Lakes also should be avoided because of 2 reasons. Firstly water means pests and secondly you might be right in the path of the animal movements. Most large animals are habits of creatures and would drink for the same spot irrespective of your claims on the territory.

4. The ideal spot should be at a certain elevation from the surroundings (so that the water drains away) on a terrain that is flat. Remove any pebbles, undergrowth/twigs.

5. If camping in the desert/snow then take wind direction into account. Also it would not be a bad idea to sleep in a area where you don’t get buried under by the morning.

6. If a level ground is not available then sleep in the incline such that your head is at the elevation relative to the feet.

7. You are there to enjoy nature and not destroy it. Hence please use a pre-existing site so that the damage to the nature is minimal. Also once you are done, please pick all the litter and bury it/carry it back. (Don’t burn it, most forest fires are a result of un-attended camping fires)

8. Last but not the least. Be far far away from bon fire. Most portable tents are made of synthetic material and even a casually flying ember can burn big holes in your tent even before you can bat a eyelid.

9. Protect against dew: The minute precipitation in the night can cause a lot of inconvenience and even breathing problems. Hence please cover the vent at the top of the tent.

10. It’s never a bad idea to spray some pesticide on the site before unfolding the tent.

11. Take good care of the tent flooring. Good modern portable tents have a plastic sheet sewed to the tent. Please make sure there are no holes/cracks. Also cover the holes/cracks and even the stitching seams with a plastic tape.

12. Secure the tent. Even though the whole things looks steady, it’s as light as a kite and it can fly. The harness and stakes are given for a reason. Use them.

1. Tent (2 person tents are better than the 4-6 person tents because they are lighter and weight can be distributed.

2. Sleeping bags

3. yoga mat

4. Avoid blankets/shawls of any sort. I prefer jackets and socks for warmth and they save weight too.

5. Matchsticks. remember to distribute them in 2 different bags to prevent them getting damp

6. Liquor/cigarettes should be avoided… cigarettes are a fire hazard and liquor can cause dehydration

7. Spare set of socks is a must. It is always good to have an extra t-shirt, shorts/trackpants

8. Odomas cream for protection against leeches and a can of baygon spray (cockroach version) for the sleeping area

9. Swiss army knife

10. MTR Packets (I could never cook a decent meal during treks and sometimes we forgot to bring the right ingredients or the water is scarce making things undercooked. however food for 3 persons is going to be consumed in just one meal. BTW don’t be surprised to know that breakfast and evening snacks are a meal in itself.

11. Torchlight (1 for every 2 persons): Most people forget to pack it.

12. Hat/cap + sunscreen . cannot emphasize enough.

13. Jacket, gloves and whatever you need to keep yourself warm.

14. Energy bars. chikki, chocolate, sugar candies are always welcome

15. Avoid fruits and vegetables. Carry things which provide high calories, can be eaten raw and completely (mangoes with their big stones are strict NO NO)

16. Electrolyte. I would recommend 4packets per person per day.

17. Fully charged mobile phones. One can get cell receptions in the unlikeliest of the places. Plus they are a good source of music.

18. Camera but avoid tripods.

19. Medicine kit esp. band-aids

20. Bags: Typically I would recommend a guy carrying a full 10-20L backpack while a girl carrying a simple school bag. Call me sexist but any other combination and girls will slow you down.

21. Shoes: Need to be comfortable, waterproof, with good grip.

22. 2 1-L plastic bottles (no metal bottles no thermos flasks) If you can get a trekking sipper go for it.

23. Walking stick. There are aluminum trekking sticks. Expensive but worth it esp. on the way back.

Last but not the least distribute your items across multiple persons. This way even if one bag gets lost/the person carrying it becomes slow the whole group can still manage it.

Ever wondered why companies with names like Sahara (means support) and Reliance score so low on:

1. Corporate Governance
2. Transparency
3. Accounting practices

I guess through their corporate names the management is trying to obliterate these very concerns.

It is a simple movie about a dysfunctional marriage which is finally saved by the husband. The guy’s parents entrusts upon a book with a 40 days step by step workout on how to rekindle the love, care and affection. Also embedded in the movie are some references to Christian philosophy, religion and sanctity of the marriage as a bond that can only be broken by death. However I would say that it is a must watch for anybody who has overcome the marital difficulties.

When…

1. You have faced power-cuts up to 10hours a day!
And yet, it’s no big deal for you.

2. Even though the hottest party spot/pub in town says “Admit Over 18, Drinks over 25″ You have been inside and have enjoyed a beer, being underage.

3. Living in the most posh colonies, you get to hear, “Aloo, Bhindi Pyaaz, Tamatar le loo”… And you hear women asking the vegetable vendor “Bhaiyaa aapne free dhaniya nehi diya!” [Even with Half a kilo Carrot]

4. You have Driven rash and Broken Signals more times than you can count. Doesn’t matter whether you have a license or not.

5. Every teenager knows at least one “ghunda” on whose name he can jump around all day.

6. You have seen your relative or family member bribing a policeman at-least once.

7. You have been to Big Chill at-least once.

8. When a car accident occurs, instead of solving the problem quietly, either one of the drivers would start with.. “B******, meri gadi maar di, ab tu ruk, mein teri marta hoon” or something kinda.

9. In the 90′s you have been to India Gate and around 2000-2002 you have been to Ansal Plaza more times than you can count.!

10. Mocha,CCD,Barista,Hookah,24×7 are like your favorite hangouts.

11. You just love socializing.

12. You speak or hear the word “setting” or “jugad” at-least once a day.

13. When you stare at a school bus, you see students talking of the phone, care free OR Chilling out listening songs on the Ipod.

14. A meter working in a Auto – Miracle! And hear statements like..
# Gas nahi hai
# Gaadi waapis dene ka time ho gaya
# Wahan se waapis ki sawaari nahi milti
# Wahan jaam (traffic jam) mein kaun fasega

15. All guys have at-least been to Pallika bazar and they all know why. Well, even the girls are starting now.

16. This is the place when you actually feel like slapping the same traffic policeman who caught you yesterday… Because today he’s on his bike without a helmet or talking on the phone…

17. Qutub Minar, Red Fort, Lotus Temple are just for tourist. You havn’t been to more than two of these.

18. Past Midnight? Hungry? Go to a Five Star, The Airport or the only hangout in south, 24×7. Where the FUCK will the West,East and North Delhi people end up? No nearby joint.

19. You have an example of Delhi being unsafe for women after Midnight. And now even for men.

20. You wont be surprised if you find some old lady bargaining at a SALE.

21. Young or Old, You have played street football in the rains and have ended up breaking some glass.

22. You first abused real bad when you were around 10 years old.

23. Your Dad’s really good friends with at least one Public Figure.

24. Library is virtually non-existent unless you go to British council or American Library or Max Mueller Bhavan

25. Deepavali means every house is illuminated to such an extent that you wonder if its a competition of illumination and cracker bursting is so continuous that it is difficult to imagine one moment of silence on Diwali.

26. You have had the most RANDOM plans. Like reaching for a movie show which starts at 1pm, at 12:55pm and just hoping that gods left some tickets for you and your friends.

27. You have been warned by your parents at-least once that going at public places like Malls, isn’t safe, Cuz there might just a BOMB in that place.

28. Being from DPS, Modern or now even Goenka is like the SHIT.

29. You glare at people who call Gol-Guppa’s- Pani Puri!
And you always ask the vendor “Bhaiya yeh Gol-Guppe Aate ki hai ya Sooji ke?”

30. If in school, Your conti got busted by cops, teachers or a combination of both.

31. You’ve had school cancelled due to cold, summer vacations preponed due to heat and have at least thrice evacuated your school building after tremors.

32. You’ve hit 120 kmph at Nelson Mandela Marg.
And after crossing it, you might end up saying ” FEEL AA GAYE”. OR, You have raced up the DND and taken the U turn back.

33. You have been to a wedding in a Mehrauli farmhouse and have hit Nasha later on.

34. You have taken the 10 rupee Call Center cab/ Qualis from anywhere to Gurgaon/Noida.

35. You have seen a child with crutches begging on the Red Light RUN fast when the light turns green!

36. Almost every Delhi-ite understands Punjabi to an extent. May he belong to any region. PUNJABI unites everyone

37. You call the waiter in the restaurant “boss” & tack on “yaar”/ “bhai” to almost every sentence.

38. Rajender Da Dhaba’s got better chicken than Taj. You’ve at least tried it once! And you just might see a BMW, a Porsche OR a Peugeot parked outside it!

39. You have surely heard of “Chor Bazar” but never been there.

40. You use the word and have described practically every other person on the planet as “Vella”.

41. ‘KAROBAR’ = ‘Car-O-Bar’ i.e. drinking in the car….Hell yeah! thats what we live for!

42. You often see Middle Aged Aunties wearing Gucci shades and holding LV bags having Gol-Gappas in GK (Near Prince Pan) or Bhelpuri in South Ex along with Diet Coke !

43. Miranda house and CJM are two places where u’ll see people from different school/colleges hang out.

44. In the 90s, movie at Chankaya, momos at Yashwant Place and Hot Choc Fudge at Nirula’s = ULTIMATE Fun.

45. School students here, have gone to school, so early in the morning, it being Dark!..REAL Dark And you’ve attended those 3am GROUP tuition’s during your boards!
Haha.. Spookky! Lol.

46. Almost every Delhite has witnessed a DTC bus brawl turning into street fight.. Yet fun! OR the DTC bus over-speeding/breaking traffic rules/ or disc breaking.

47. You have probably been to Gurudwara Bangla Sahib @ 4 in the morning. Or even at 6 ‘cuz you were out on a day-bunk!

48. When everyone from the Auto Driver, Vegetable Vendor, Grocery Store guy, Watch-man, Salesperson to just any ‘guy’ is referred to here as ‘Bhaiya’

49. You refer to East Delhi as Jamuna ke Us Paar.

50. You refer to AIIMS as Medical.

51. You dont buy tickets for a music concert or cricket match, but try to take the help of your friend’s Dad, who happens to be the PA to the under secretary of the deputy secretary of the chief secretary of the Minister of State for Khadi.

52. You overtake everyone from the wrong side and stare into his/her eyes while doing so.

53. You call Gurgaon & NOIDA as illegitimate cousins of Delhi!

54. Most of you have at least two cars; your drivers have scooters and mobiles.

55. As soon someone tells you abut an important political development, you whip out your mobile and whisper into it as if you have access to the Prime Minister’s OFFICE!

56. You know that a farmhouse has nothing to do with cattle or farming.

57. You used “contacts” for everything, from getting movie tickets to restaurant bookings to playschool admissions.

58. You didn’t find ‘Monsoon Wedding’ funny. And Laughed your ass off when you watched ‘Dilli 6′

59. You’ve probably used the word ‘Tota’ to describe ANY Random-Hot-Chick that just passed by! ‘Phew!

60. You have had Anda parantha outside Vikram hotel and Bun Omelet at Dhaula Kuan at least once!

61. Almost anyone except a Delhi-ite is a “Chutiya”

62. DESPITE of all the goods and bads.
You still Love Delhi. =]

And you want more.