e-Nagar

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’
And then the fight started.

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace Expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump.
And then the fight started.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, ‘Do you know him?’
‘Yes,’ She sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ I said to my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started.

My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to me,
‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started.

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Kingfisher for 500 rs.
Instead, she bought a jar of Olay cream for 700 rs.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cream..
And then the fight started..

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere iv not been in a long time. So I took her to the kitchen.
And then the fight started…

1. This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina.
 
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars then insured them against, among other things… “FIRE”..!!
 
Within a month… having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars… the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
 
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were… “lost in a series of small fires’.
 
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
 
The lawyer sued… and… WON…!!!
 
Delivering the ruling… the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous… but he stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be acceptable explanation of the term ‘fire’…(as in the act of actually smoking the cigar) and was obligated to pay the claim.
 
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling… and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that were… “lost in a series of small fires’.
 
NOW FOR THE BEST PART…
 
After the lawyer cashed the check… the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON…!!!
 
With evidence of his own insurance claim… and testimony from the case being used against him… the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine…!!!
 
This true story won First Place in the “Criminal Lawyers Award” contest in the following year.
 
ONLY IN AMERICA…!!!

2.An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.This continued off and on for several weeks.Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: ‘I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: ’He lives in a home, with my non stop chatting and nagging wife, he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.Can I come with him tomorrow ? Thanks