e-Nagar

· ASM Technologies Ltd, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave..”
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· Oracle, Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:
“as I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”
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· Another gem from CDAC. Leave letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding:
“as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”
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· From H.A.L, Administration Dept:
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.”
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· Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
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· An incident of a illness:
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.”
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· A leave letter to the headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”
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· Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
“As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”
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· A covering note:
“I am enclosed herewith…”
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· Another one:
“Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…”
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· Another actual letter written for application of leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
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· Sample of letter writing:-
“I am well here and hope you are also in the same well.”

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· A candidate’s job application:
“This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’…. As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post………..

email forward from Aakriti

A woman asked her husband, a programmer, “Dear, would you please go to the store and buy some bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen.” He agreed. A few minutes later he was back, with twelve loaves of bread. The wife was flabbergasted! “Why on Earth did you buy a dozen loaves of bread?” He logically replied, “They had eggs.”

My girlfriend took a pregnancy test last night and the results were positive. When she showed it to me, I asked, “Shall we keep it?” She replied, “What’s the point? You can only use them once!”

A Scottish grocer put a collection box on his counter with a small sign reading, “For the Blind.” Charitable customers put in their change. When the box was full, he used the money to buy a new window blind!

Q Frame a sentence with PINK, GREEN, and Yellow.
Lalu’s Answer: When the phone rings GREEN GREEN, Just PINK it up and say YELLOW.

4 stages of marriage
1. “Mad for each other”
2. “Made for each other”
3. “Mad at each other”
4. “Mad because of each other”
- courtesy SMS from Puja

College me ladkiyon ke kitne naam hote hai?
Answer: 4
1. Meri Wali
2. Tere Wali
3. Teri Bhabhi
4. Meri Bhabhi

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

“Mick, I’m thinking of buying a Labrador,” said Paddy. “You must be fooking crazy!” said Mick. “Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?”

People say that there is no difference between finish and complete…. but if you marry the right person you are complete, else you are finished.

“Bob, how many other women have you slept with?” “Only you, Helen. With all the others, I was awake!”

Definition of a Hangover: The wrath of grapes.

The doctor finished examining the teenage girl and asked to speak to the mother privately. “I’m afraid your daughter has a venereal disease.” “Oh, dear,” said the mother. “Could she have caught it in a public restroom?” “Possibly,” said the doctor, “but it would have been highly uncomfortable!”

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

In India, Traffic jams are a procedure of everyday life. The saying goes around here – If you are not consistently stuck up in traffic, then you are not really moving around a lot. In fact , in India , one requires to dedicate specific time slots daily for meeting traffic jams. Only once in a blue moon it so happens that the roads are sparsely populated.
However a blue moon is a rare thing. And if one is living in Mumbai – the most densely populated city in the world, then the blue moon simply does not exist. In Mumbai, just like in any other city in the world, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west but the traffic always rises in the north , south , east , west , up (air space congestion) , down and in any other direction that you can come up with.

Living three years in Mumbai has helped me accumulate some  observations which can be of aid when it comes to Mumbai traffic.—

1 . While in Mumbai , one should always carry a hygrometer(a device which measures moisture content in the air around us) with him/her. The intensity of Mumbai Traffic is directly proportional to the moisture content in the air.
As absurd as it may sound, the claim for hygrometer is well supported with data –When there is moisture or worse a slight drizzle in the air, people drive a fraction slower than their usual speed just to be careful to avoid any slippery incidents (Indian roads are supportive of the idea of driving fast). This reduction in speed is cascaded to the traffic behind and eventually brings the traffic to a complete halt. Some fools worsen their speed and hence the traffic by getting all romantic while admiring  the clouds and the rains while driving.
In fact with time and experience, you can deduce from the hygrometer reading the amount of time that you have to be stuck standstill in the traffic. A reading of 60 % (slightly above normal moisture) means that you are to be standstill for 18 minutes. So why not leave the car amidst the traffic and grab a few eatables from the roadside shop? A reading about 80% gives you ample time to catch a good 40 minutes power nap in the car. Anything about 95% should be seen as an opportunity to catch a 2 hour movie in the nearby theatre.

2. Many inexperienced with Mumbai traffic rules make the fundamental mistake of thinking that a queue in Mumbai means standing one behind the other.In Mumbai , a queue means standing one besides the others  and if there is less space then the definition of queue is extended to mean pushing others away and then standing one beside the other.
You don’t want to me more late than you already are to reach home, do you? Then you need to adapt your concepts regarding the queue.

3. Regularly play carom , snooker or billiards .You should gain expertise on one of these games  before you hit the Mumbai roads with your vehicle. These games develop your idea of tricky angles and deviations. This knowledge is critical while driving – you never know when you may need to squeeze in between a few cars to move ahead. Or worse you may have to deflect yourself at an angle when some novice is trying the same squeeze with may end up in his somersault.

4.Always carry good quality ear plugs with you.  For even though the traffic is jammed for the next 5 kms ahead of you, the person just behind you is always convinced that he/she is stuck in this traffic only because of you and if somehow you get out of the way ,  he /she  would whizz to home in 5 seconds . Hence this person keep honking the horns of his/her car ceaselessly.After the few minutes , the ceaseless honking with be accompanies by ceaseless cursing and swearing. Without a nice pair of ear plugs, you will be distracted with all this noise while you are busy swearing at the person ahead of you.

Happy Driving !!!!