ENagar

Love is grand; Divorce is a hundred grand.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Time may be a great healer but it’s a lousy beautician.

Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember, amateurs built the arc, professionals build the Titanic.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

Politicians and Diapers have one thing in common.
They both should be changed regularly and for the same reason.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears this is true.

There will always be death and taxes, however death doesn’t get worse every year.

Dijon Vu - the same mustard as before.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

If you always hit the bulls eye every time, then your target is too near.

Practice safe eating, always use condiments.

A day without sunshine is like night.

If marriage is outlawed then only outlaws will have inlaws.

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.

It’s frustrating to know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you any questions.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at a really tempting moment.

Lastly:
You don’t stop laughing because you grew old. You grew old because you stopped laughing.

‘I still prefer the pubs back home’, said the Scotsman. ‘In Glasgow there’s a little bar called McTavish’s. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you.’

‘Well’, said the Englishman, ‘at my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2′

‘Ahhhhh, that’s nothing’, said the Irishman. ‘Back home in Dublin there’s Ryan’s Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you’ve had enough drinks they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.’

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman’s claims, but he swears every word is true.

‘Well,’ said the Englishman, ‘did this actually happen to you?’

‘Not me myself, personally, no,’ said the Irishman, ‘but it did happen to me sister.’

If our Finance Minister PC is given a free run to spend all the tax money in needless subsidies and popular programs designed to keep Congress in power, then soon this might be the future of Indian Air Force
(more…)

I found this very interesting picture in an email forward. Although on the first glance it looks like a very funny and innovative way to address a very important problem faced by hotel management. And from my experience in tourist places in Goa and Thailand i know how big a turn off these can be.

However on second looks it makes me asks one question. Why is it that a Mexican joint in America trying to put this message in Chinese and not Spanish?
PS: You can dismiss me by saying i think too much

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her, ‘Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!’ and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate….

The grandmother says, ‘Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.’

Little Billy walks up to his Mom one day while she’s folding clothes, “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?” asks Billy.
“Well honey thats so the Groom knows his Bride is Pure.” After contemplating this for a few days Billy asks his Father. “Dad, why are wedding dresses white?”
Well son, all household appliances come in white”…

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy’s response is hilarious, but read The State’s letter before you get to the response letter.

State of Pennsylvania ’s letter to Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2007.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania .
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood ‘debris’ dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials ‘debris.’
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)
I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren’t the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation — so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.
If you want the damed stream ‘restored’ to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers — but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers’ Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2007 ? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

Arguing with your boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud: after a while you realize that, while you’re getting dirty, the pig’s actually enjoying it!

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.

“I’ m going to the bar, Pretty Face,” he answered. I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop.. but at the bar. You know, they have frozen glasses. “

He didn’t get to finish the sentence because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer - so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious. I won’t be long. I’ll be right back, I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

“But my sweet honey at the bar you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that.”

“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR FRICKIN’ BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR DAMNED HORS D’OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A BAR… THAT SHIT’S OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?”

And they lived happily ever after Isn’t that a sweet story?