‘I still prefer the pubs back home’, said the Scotsman. ‘In Glasgow there’s a little bar called McTavish’s. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you.’

‘Well’, said the Englishman, ‘at my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2′

‘Ahhhhh, that’s nothing’, said the Irishman. ‘Back home in Dublin there’s Ryan’s Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you’ve had enough drinks they’ll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.’

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman’s claims, but he swears every word is true.

‘Well,’ said the Englishman, ‘did this actually happen to you?’

‘Not me myself, personally, no,’ said the Irishman, ‘but it did happen to me sister.’

picture of a unborn baby’s foot

what my shirt label says

man’t thoughts

dead end

i am really confused what to choose?

This picture made me wonder, how many times we judge a stranger by only the external appearance.
Like this other day I careless bumped into a guy walking on the street. The guy was carrying a bottle of liquor which broke. Since I had not seen the guy before the accident, its most likely my fault. Yet, seeing the broken bottle I pretended as if this lunatic blocked my path (even though there was no way I could conclusively prove that the guy was intoxicated). I am pretty much sure I would have apologized if the guy was carrying a Cold Drink bottle instead.

I know this is going to be a biased group of readers, but what do you think is better: Writing a book or Writing a Blog?

My friends these days are trying to convince me to write a book. They say that a book a more structured and the author actually thinks before writing a line in a book. As compared to that, the blogs are random rambling of a person who himself might have never even proof-read his posts.
They also say that a book is very difficult to write, because the person actually has to take time out everyday for a month/year to write, while a blog is something that is written while killing some excess time between flights/busses or even while waiting for the coffee to be served in a coffee shop.
A good author chooses quality over quantity. While writing a book, the author needs to handpick from his thoughts and observations and write only about them. While a blogger uses a shotgun approach. He/she would write anything and everything under the sun, to maintain their ratings they need to saturate the minds of the authors with daily/periodic updates. No wonder, like a newspaper, once read their posts are deleted/forgotten for ever. While a good book is always stashed. A whole library often grows around them.
Bloggers can be find a dime a dozen. Everybody and anybody, irrespective of whether they want to say anything or not. While a good book is a real treat to the eyes and the senses of the reader. Their words alone are so powerful that they do not need to use aids like colorful fonts, and pictures to prop their deficiencies in writing.

Although most of the points are valid and strong, in my defense I could only mutter:
Blogs is all about brevity. A serious blogger knows that nobody has the patience to go through 300 pages of blabbering and repeating of the same point. Hence the blogger condenses the essence of that 300 page book in catchy title and 100 words of post.
A blog is a two way traffic, while the author of a book rarely gets a feedback and never gets a chance to elaborate/correct his stance. If I write a post titled “Books are obsolete”, within 24 hours I would get several comments/feedbacks from the fellow readers both ridiculing and elaborating the idea. However even after months of writing a nice book about “Blogging is for Losers” the author won’t be begging for any response from the audience. You can be assured that half of his friend (even after being gifted a free copy of the book) won’t bother to open the cover page.
Most ideas are not worth writing a whole book on and not everyone is fortunate enough to lead such a colorful life that he/she can collect 50-60 such ideas and then spend tens of thousands of bucks to get it printed. Hence blogging is the most cost efficient and productive way to express oneself.

What do you think is better spending time writing a book or spending time updating one’s blog?

If our Finance Minister PC is given a free run to spend all the tax money in needless subsidies and popular programs designed to keep Congress in power, then soon this might be the future of Indian Air Force


PS: A nice rose to cool down anyone who does not sympathize with the pilots who lost their lives trying to fly the obsolete MIG airplanes designed for the battlefields of the late 60ies and thinks what Chidambram is doing is best for the nation

Ever wondered how is it that even though Indus valley civilization is considered the oldest civilization, Tamil is considered to be the oldest language?

Well this article from mint raises some more such questions.. read it in your leisure.

When exactly did India’s most famous battle — Kurukshetra — take place? My search uncovered some intriguing details. Historians disagree on the date. It ranges from around 3200 BC to 700 BC — a period of 2,500 years! Curiously, historians unanimously agree that Kurukshetra did not take place between 2500 BC and 1500 BC. This is the period when the Indus Valley civilization “collapsed”.
History reveals that around 2000-1800 BC, all along the Euro-Asian west-east axis, a horde of invaders, from above the 50N latitudes called the horse-people, pushed down. Every civilization — China, India, Mesopotamia, Anatolia and Greece — was overcome as they had the most powerful weapon known then — the horse chariot. Who were the invaders and who were the displaced?
Think why no one wants to place the Kurukshetra battle in that gap of 1,000 years. It would tantamount to admitting that the Pandavas and/or the Kauravas were the “invaders” or “outsiders” — the Aryans who displaced the then flourishing Indus Valley civilization and pushed it south to become the Dravidian culture. This aspect has assumed political overtones and, hence, the denials and silence over it.
Here’s what happened. There was an Indus Valley civilization which belonged to the Vedic culture. The Aryans, the horse-chariot people, displaced and pushed it south. The horse-people with no culture of their own adapted the Vedic culture and the Vedic Indus Valley civilization had a second innings.
Both the epics, Ramayan and Mahabharat, talk of battles involving horses and chariots. There is no evidence of any horse in present-day India and Pakistan till 2000-1800 BC. The horse came carrying the invaders from the northern latitudes. Next, take a globe. Put your thumb at the point where the 55 degrees east longitude and 55 degrees north latitude intersect. This will be just south of the Urals, above the mid-point between the Caspian and Aral Seas, north of Kazakhstan. With your thumb as the fulcrum and your little finger on Gujarat, draw an arc. It will end in Spain. This entire swathe of land shares the Indo-European group of languages. Of course, there are exceptions — Arabic, Basque, Turkish, etc.
But the most startling exception lies in the Kalat region of Baluchistan, Pakistan, and its border with Afghanistan. Nestled there today are more than two million people who speak Brahui, a Dravidian group language! But they did not “get” there. They were already there and became the typical “pocket” when invasions swept the majority away. That’s why Tamil is the oldest of all present Indian languages and Tamilians were perhaps the first Sindhis! After all they drank jhalam (Tamil for water) from the river that has this name. Will someone explain this paradox — if the Indus Valley civilization is the oldest in India, how is Tamil the oldest language? Unless the Dravidian civilization predates the Indus Valley.
Look below the 55E-55N point and at the routes by which you can reach the extremities of your arc. Every point can be reached by continuing along rivers or shores of lakes, i.e., the invasion-cum-migration had the most important resource necessary to travel such vast distances — water. The most famous rivers in Central Asia are the Syr Darya and Amu Darya! The “oldest” DNA found in an Indian was in Tamil Nadu, near Madurai. How about a DNA survey of those in north/north-west India, the present inhabitants of the steppes and those living between 25 degrees and 45 degrees north latitudes in West Asia and Europe?
The biggest give-away is the “18-day” war. Military historians will tell you man’s ability to sustain a battle proper (sieges are not battles) for more than a day came only when railways made logistics feasible. Waterloo (AD 1815), probably the last big battle before railways, took just one day. The “day” in the Kurukshetra battle is evidently metaphorical. For, it was oral history. It was more likely to have been 18 months or even 18 years — just the time needed for a migration-cum-invasion to displace a culture and a civilization 3,500 years ago.
If the Mahabharat involved the horse-people, then what about the more antiquated Ramayan, which talks not only of horses, but also the famed Asvamedha yagna? Was Ram a Cossack, the most famed of all horse-people? Doesn’t “Valmiki” sound Russian, perhaps a corruption of Vladmikhailovich, who lived in the present Russian town named Sverdlovsk, formerly perhaps Swargalok? If we don’t accept the invasion theory, then the only other explanation is that both Mahabharat and Ramayan took place outside India, on the Russian steppes, and their stories have come down to us as oral histories through the horse-people, which were then refined to suit cultural and later ethnic, social and political agendas.
T.R. Ramaswami

I found this very interesting picture in an email forward. Although on the first glance it looks like a very funny and innovative way to address a very important problem faced by hotel management. And from my experience in tourist places in Goa and Thailand i know how big a turn off these can be.

However on second looks it makes me asks one question. Why is it that a Mexican joint in America trying to put this message in Chinese and not Spanish?
PS: You can dismiss me by saying i think too much

♫ a modest girl never pursues a man; nor does a mouse-trap pursue a mouse

Forwarded by Amit

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her, ‘Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!’ and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate….

The grandmother says, ‘Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets.’

Little Billy walks up to his Mom one day while she’s folding clothes, “Mom, why are wedding dresses white?” asks Billy.
“Well honey thats so the Groom knows his Bride is Pure.” After contemplating this for a few days Billy asks his Father. “Dad, why are wedding dresses white?”
Well son, all household appliances come in white”…

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy’s response is hilarious, but read The State’s letter before you get to the response letter.

State of Pennsylvania ’s letter to Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2007.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L. Price District Representative and Water Management Division.

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/06 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania .
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood ‘debris’ dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials ‘debris.’
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
(Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)
I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren’t the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation — so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.
If you want the damed stream ‘restored’ to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers — but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers’ Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2007 ? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

29 ~ The advertised age of a woman in her late 30’s.

39 ~ The advertised age of a woman in her early 50’s.

Athletic ~ Term used by people who have been to the gym once in the previous calendar year.

Attraction ~ the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

Average ~ A term referring to someone’s weight if they are within four sigmas of the middle of the bell curve.

BBW, “Big Beautiful Woman” ~ A term used by women who have discovered that it’s easier to euphemize than it is to hire a personal trainer.

Birth Control ~ avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

Cheating ~ Having a 1979 issue of Playboy somewhere in the house.

Curvy ~ What a woman who is at least 40 pounds overweight calls herself.

Dating ~ the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

E-mail ~ Form of internet communication that is intended to be deleted without a reply.

Easy ~ a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Eye Contact ~ a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.

Friend ~ a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

Game-playing ~ Failing to decide halfway through the first date to be in an exclusive relationship.

Indifference ~ a woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be “playing hard to get”.

Interesting ~ a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Irritating Habit ~ what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

Law of Relativity ~ how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

Love at First Sight ~ what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

Love Handles ~ What men call the rolls of fat that obscure their belts.

Nymphomaniac ~ a man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

Phone Number ~ A random string of numbers a woman gives a man to get rid of him.

Player ~ Term referring to any man who has decided, after one or two dates in which sex may or may not have been involved, not to pursue a relationship with the person using the term (see “slut”).

“Prefer Not to Say” ~ A term that warns people to assume the worst.

Slut ~ Term referring to any woman who has decided, after one or two dates in which sex may or may not have been involved, not to pursue a relationship with the person using the term (see “player”).

Sober ~ condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

Stud ~ What a man calls himself when he just had his first date in two years.

Arguing with your boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud: after a while you realize that, while you’re getting dirty, the pig’s actually enjoying it!

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.

“I’ m going to the bar, Pretty Face,” he answered. I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop.. but at the bar. You know, they have frozen glasses. “

He didn’t get to finish the sentence because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer - so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious. I won’t be long. I’ll be right back, I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.

“But my sweet honey at the bar you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that.”

“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR FRICKIN’ BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR DAMNED HORS D’OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A BAR… THAT SHIT’S OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?”

And they lived happily ever after Isn’t that a sweet story?

One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

“Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?”, they asked. Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project” said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table
and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

“Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.” “We went to Bobby’s house and watched a movie.”
“What did you watch?” asked Marsha. ‘The Ten Commandments.” answered Tommy.
The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, “I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.”

“I’m ashamed of you Son,” said John. “When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.” The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. “Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can’t be too mad with Tommy. After all, He is your son!” The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her three times.

A guy walks into the bar and orders 9 shots of tequila. So the bartender pours nine shots and the man downs one after the other.

“Holy shit!” the bartender exclaims “That the most tequila I’ve ever seen anyone drink that fast before - what’s the occasion?”

“My first blow job” the man announces quite plainly.

“Well” the bartender replies “let me buy you another!”

“Listen, if 9 doesn’t take the taste out of my mouth, another one won’t help.”

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~ Abraham Lincoln

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise. ~ Robert Heinlein

Sex is emotion in motion. ~ Mae West

Sex relieves tension - love causes it. ~ Woody Allen

Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus. ~ Bob Rubin

Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast. ~ Woody Allen

The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently. ~ Margaret Smith

Men get laid, but women get screwed. ~ Quentin Crisp

Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact. ~ Marlene Dietrich

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute. ~ Author Unknown

Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love. ~ Butch Hancock

To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals. ~ Don Schrader

Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off. ~ Author Unknown

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. ~ Mark Twain

We all worry about the population explosion, but we don’t worry about it at the right time. ~ Arthur Hoppe

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ~ Woody Allen

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats. ~ Elton John

When a guy goes to a hooker, he’s not paying her for sex, he’s paying her to leave. ~ Author Unknown

The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it. ~ Truman Capote

A dirty book is rarely dusty. ~ Author Unknown

I think I could fall madly in bed with you. ~ Author Unknown

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t! ~ George Bernard Shaw

Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped. ~ Author Unknown

Don’t knock masturbation - it’s sex with someone I love. ~ Woody Allen

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. ~ Frederike Ryder

Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time. ~ Author Unknown

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? ~ Murray Banks

Tell him I’ve been too fucking busy - or vice versa. ~ Dorothy Parker

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets. ~ Author Unknown

A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: “Because everything does.” ~ Honor Tracy

Sex is interesting, but it’s not totally important. I mean it’s not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement. ~ Charles Bukowski

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ~ Matt Groening

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. ~ P.J. O’Rourke

A woman occasionally is quite a serviceable substitute for masturbation. ~ Karl Kraus

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it. ~ Cary Grant

My message to the businessman of this country when they go abroad on business is that there is one thing above all they can take with them to stop them catching AIDS, and that is the wife. ~ Edwina Currie

I’d like to meet the man who invented sex and see what he’s working on now.
~ Author Unknown

The common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex. ~ Randy Thornhill and Craig T. Palmer

Somehow it seems that my stomach is sensitive to hygienic food. I eat all sorts of crap (including food from roadside stalls and from my office cafeteria). Sometimes when I travel, I have to eat food whose name I cannot even pronounce, yet I rarely get stomach upset. However, everytime within 24 hours of my visiting my parents house, I get a stomach upset. Usually its loose motions, but recently its also accompanied by food poisoning.
The strangest thing is that the same food is eaten regularly the rest of the members of the family (that also includes my grand parents who are in their late 80s) and they never get ill. My mother cooks real hygienic food and also does not deep fry or add too much of ghee in my meals. I used to enjoy it during my childhood, but now it seems like my stomach cannot tolerate it any more.

My mother has a conspiracy theory that I am allergic to Hygienic environment. What do you think it is?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse .

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his company in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present , he thought it was time to present the present A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind in the kite.

1 Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let’s face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’

I don’t know how many of you follow the UEFA cup 2008.  But here is one thing that made me wonder.

The World cup takes place every four years.  And so does the UEFA cup.  The two tournaments are planned such a way that in every two years, one of them takes place.

Football is probably comparable to the amount of Money that flows into the game.  There are umpteen number of sponsors.  Considering the fact that there are 16 countries that have qualified for the game, one can imagine the number of sponsors.

But, during the game, there is not even a single commerical Break.

Probably because there is no time for a commercial break.  But one could always come up with a commercial or two between player changes, fouls etc.,

Why can’t the same stand be adopted when broadcasting cricket too?  One could really enjoy the game then.  Right?

To start with, here is a dilbert strip trying to explain what usually the managers think about the output we produce.

I was just wondering why my office has a concept of Leaves and vacation.
Here is a background:
I work in a product company and out here, every single person has different sets of responsibility and areas of specialization. Net result is that a manager cannot offload one engineer’s task to another engineer easily. (unless he accounts for the time that would require to train that new engineer to get familiarize with the setup.)

So the net result is that an worker here is responsible to get the work done. It does not matter how many long hours he takes, how many weekends he works (and yes, there is no overtime). If I want to take a vacation, then I am expected to work a little harder before the vacation and after that so that the project deadline does not suffer because or me.

This phenomenon makes me wonder:
Since I am responsible for my output and that does not suffer because of the fact that I had taken a week off, should my company deduct no of leaves for that period?
How is it in your office?

Some Montana high school students let three goats loose in their school, hoping to get out of class. Before they released them, they spray-painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, and 4.
The three goats were quickly rounded up with little disruption, but classes were eventually cancelled while school administrators tore the school apart searching for goat #3!

- Aren’t those kids really smart

One thing remarkable about this guy is that he has his priorities right.

also this is another aspect of prostitution.

I saw this post on Satish’s blog and I strongly recommend that everybody should get it signed by his or her doctor

Certified that Mr. /Miss ____________ _____ , working in your organization, is suffering from ‘time-bound’ illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.

Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as “Come over weekend..”, “Let’s work on holiday..”, “Leave cannot be granted” etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes.

In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.

Sd/-
Dr. Impatient
Cyber Clinic

A nice picture depicting the state of the management schools in our country.

BTW folks I have decided to devote the next 2 years of my life pursuing MBA.
It has not been a simple decision for me but I think it is the right one. Wish me luck and pray that I am not ragged too much.

Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the United States is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.

Now think about this:

Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. (80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, in all age groups is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.

Statistics courtesy of FBI

==============================================

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember, ‘Guns don’t kill people, doctors do.’

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat!! We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!

It’s a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo.

She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He’s wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (no pun intended.)

He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.

“Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him.” he says…. this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he’s doing flips.

Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut.

“Now, tell HIM you have a headache.”

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

You might also like my old post on this subject

It takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

(By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and

be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

Forwarded by Priyanka J

i am wondering what is more important…
being a nice human or being an effective one?

background:
I have talked for weeks politely over call centers of ICICI Bank,
Makemytrip, dell, Citibank and even my office… nothing gets done .. but the moment i
lose my temper my problem is resolved in a jiffy. So essentially in the past 7 days I have lost my temper 7 times.

I feel guilty everytime i raise my voice or talk rudely to anybody, but if that is the only way if I can get my work done, I wonder if that is what I should do

During a fancy dinner party, the hosts’ two small children entered the dining room totally naked and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing had happened. The guests, not wanting to embarrass their hosts any further, continued talking.
As the kids heading back to their rooms, one said to the other, “See? I told you it was vanishing cream!”

In North India, there is a game where the cousins of the bride would steal the shoes of shoes of the groom. In this cat and mouse game, the family of the groom would be engaged in putting up decoys and preventing the bridesmaid to steal the shoes. If the shoes are stolen (which invariably happens), then the groom has to pay and he is also allowed to punish (in a funny way) his shoe-keepers.

Here is a famous song starring Salman Khan and Madhuri Dixit which depicts how much fun both sides have in this game.

Recently my very good friend got married and her cousins were finding a tough time in being able to get hold of the shoes. But this did not stop them, they went ahead and stole the car tyres of the grooms vehicles.

I love when people do things differently and think creatively. When was the last time did you see somebody following the traditions differently?

Age 4: Mommy can do anything!
Age 8: Mom knows a lot!
Age 12: Mother doesn’t know everything.
Age 14: Mother doesn’t know anything.
Age 16: Mother is so old-fashioned.
Age 18: Her? She’s out of it.
Age 25: Mom might know something about that.
Age 35: Before we decide, let’s ask Mom.
Age 45: What would Mom have thought about that?
Age 65: I wish I could talk that over with Mom.