Sign of Prosperity – Even before medieval times, wine was not a drink for the poor, simply because of the cost of making and storing wine with its high chances of getting spoilt. Cheaper homemade alternatives were used by the mass, but wine was a sign of affluence. This was prevalent across Greece, Egypt and other cultures. It was the Romans who actually catapulted it to its current status. For an ordinary person, a simple association of the wealthy and powerful of the richest civilization with wine drinking would present a powerful image. Thanks to Roman colonization across Europe, especially Spain, Britain, and France, wine development had started that the popularity of wine.

Alternative to water – After the industrial revolution, water from natural sources was not drinkable in many places due to pollution, and transportation was not adequate to get pure water in quantities everywhere. Wine was considered as a healthier(!) option to available water and steadily became considered as part of the daily diet of the Europeans. Coffee would later replace wine as the drink during the day.

Taste – From early times, people did enjoy the taste of wine. This is partly because of its low alcohol content (Wine typically has 10% – 12.5% alcohol v/v), which allows the tongue to taste other flavors and partly because of the nature of the basic ingredient of wine. This also means most people can have some glasses of wine in a social gathering without acting unrefined, like throwing up or passing out, all the while showing off their skills at guessing the subtle wine flavors. It also does have some health benefits, especially in comparison to other alcoholic beverages of earlier times.

Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.

The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but …it landed on another lady in the group.

Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama.

The waiter rushed forward to their rescue. In the relay of throwing, the cockroach next fell upon the waiter.

The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt. When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.

Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their histrionic behavior?
If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed? He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.

It is not the cockroach, but the inability of the ladies to handle the disturbance caused by the cockroach that disturbed the ladies.

I realized that, it is not the shouting of my father or my boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it’s my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.

It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but my inability to handle the disturbance caused by the traffic jam that disturbs me.

More than the problem, it’s my reaction to the problem that creates chaos in my life.

Lessons learnt from the story:
I understood, I should not react in life.
I should always respond.
The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.

Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of, just and right to save a situation from going out of hands, to avoid cracks in relationship, to avoid taking decisions in anger, anxiety, stress or hurry.

A farmer had the misfortune Of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender.

The Moneylender , who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer’s beautiful Daughter. So he proposed a bargain.

He said he would forgo the farmer’s debt if he could marry his Daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the Proposal.

So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let Providence decide the matter.

He told them that he would put a black Pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would Have to pick one pebble from the bag.

1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father’s debt would be forgiven.
2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would still be forgiven.
3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into Jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer’s field. As They talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he Picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag.

He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.
2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag And expose the money-lender as a cheat.
3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order To save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking.

The girl’s dilemma cannot be solved with Traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses

The above logical answers.

What would you recommend to the Girl to do?

Well, here is what she did ….

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without Looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the Bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked.”

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his Dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into An extremely advantageous one.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don’t ATTEMPT to think.

When a man says to a woman, “Ever try a body shot?” he really means, “I’d even drink tequila if I can lick you!”

When a woman says to a man, “Ever try a body shot?” she really means, “If I’m this wild here, think what I’ll do when you get me home!”

When a woman says, “I don’t feel well; let’s go home,” she really means, “You’re paying more attention to your friends than to me!”

When a man says, “I don’t feel well; let’s go home,” he really means, “God, I’m horny!”

When a man says, “I’ve already had ten beers,” he really means, “I’ve only had three beers but I need an excuse to behave like this!”

When a man says, “Who’s got the next round?” he really means, “I haven’t bought a round in years, but I can divert attention!”

When a man says to a man, “Excuse me,” he really means, “Get the hell out of my way!”

When a man says to a woman, “Excuse me,” he really means, “I’m going to grope you now!”

I have a high-end gaming laptop which cost me quite a bit. It is, as expected, an ultimate performance machine which comes with extended warranty. I was having some issues with it recently so I called in the service guy. His diagnostics suggested replacement of a few parts and he committed to complete the task next day at or before 11:30 AM, because that was when the necessary parts would be sent separately by the company. Apparently, parts were delivered separately to ensure genuine products reached the customer. So far, so good.

The next day however, I started getting. apologetic calls from the company from 10:00 AM at an interval of every 20 minutes, explaining possibilities of a delay! Apparently, what had happened was this – Possession of this tres cher laptop made me one of the most valuable customers and in order to get a good feedback, the service guy had made the time commitment too early for their warehouse to adhere to. He arrived on time and had a proper contrite face when I told him that the people on the phone said the delivery could happen by 1:00 PM earliest (by Indian standards, this was not even an issue. Hell, they could have been 24 hours late before anyone except the customer could be bothered).

At this point, knowing the situation, plus my background experience, I should have ideally smiled and said that it didn’t bother me. Instead, the core of my existence, which is twisted and evil, prompted me to have a feel of the other side of the table, being a nasty customer. I purposefully berated the poor guy for wasting my entire day and added some other filler I had heard as a front-end guy. The man immediately started making calls to his bosses and as a result, a delivery van arrived with the parts within half an hour. Before 12:30 PM, my laptop was good and I was golden. My takeaway from this episode can be summed up very simply – The crying baby gets the milk. I think I understand why people do it in a store. Making a scene is not only a surefire way to get your needs fulfilled immediately, but also, there is a chance to receive a bonus to placate you. Also, venting out makes you feel (temporarily) good and doing so publicly makes you seem macho. I did end up giving the service person the best possible rating in his feedback.

But of late, I have started to observe a trend which has convinced me that my sleep has been jinxed. Simply put, whenever I take a flight and try to sleep, I cannot. Be it any time, any destination, if I want to sleep, I just cannot. The reasons are myriad. Most often than not, its crying babies. Once it was a curious toddler who was fascinated by my beard and kept trying to play with it despite dissuasion from me and its parents. Sometimes, it is the flight attendants, who prove too hot to keep your eyes off. A couple of times it has been the flight turbulence, which left me as a cocktail of half-nauseous and half-paralysed in fear, shaken as well as stirred.

The other side of the coin is if I want to stay awake and get some work done in the course of the flight – I sleep deeply and peacefully. No babies, no turbulence and no attendants. It doesn’t even have to be work; it could be a novel I want to read or simple solitaire on the laptop. The moment I start it, I go off like the light.

I think it is something like water boiling in a kettle. Like Jerome K. Jerome said, if you look at it, it will take forever. So, don’t look at it and pretend you will not need it. It will boil off immediately. Sounds like a perfect fit for my situation. On a profound note, I think the same goes with success and money in life. But then again, it’s easier said than done. When I am sleep deprived, I don’t think I want to play solitaire, I want to sleep, flight or not.

1. Beans

a. Bean Types -

b. Cleaning -

c. Roasting –

Caffeine diminishes with increased roasting level: light roast – 1.37%; medium roast – 1.31%; and dark roast < 1.31%. At lighter roasts, the bean will exhibit more of its “origin flavour”; the flavours created in the bean by its variety, the soil, altitude, and weather conditions in the location where it was grown. As a rule of thumb, the “shinier” the bean is, the more dominant the roasting flavours are. Sucrose is rapidly lost during the roasting process and may disappear entirely in darker roasts. During roasting, aromatic oils and acids weaken, changing the flavour. At 205 °C other oils start to develop. One of these oils, Caffeol, is created at about 200 °C, which is largely responsible for coffee’s aroma and flavour.

2. Preparation

a. Grinding and Brewing–

The fineness of grind strongly affects brewing, and must be matched to the brewing method for best results. Brewing methods which expose coffee grounds to heated water for longer require a coarser grind than faster brewing methods. Beans which are too finely ground for the brewing method in which they are used will expose too much surface area to the heated water and produce a bitter, harsh, “over-extracted” taste. At the other extreme, an overly coarse grind will produce weak coffee unless more is used. Water temperature should always stay between 90 and 96 degree Celsius. If the temperature is higher, the result is bitter and ashy taste. If the temperature is lower, then the taste is sour and diluted. In processes involving manual intervention, it is easier to make a mistake of having water at a lower temperature. The other scenario doesn’t happen because water is taken off-heat at boiling point, and by the time it is seeped through coffee, it reaches ideal temperature. Due to the importance of fineness, uniformly ground coffee is better than a mixture of sizes.

• Coarse – Very distinct particles of coffee. Downright chunky.
• Medium – Gritty, like coarse sand. (I use this a lot)
• Fine – Smoother to the touch, a little finer than granular sugar or table salt.
• Extra fine – Finer than sugar, but grains should still be discernable to the touch.
• Turkish – Powdered, like flour.

b. Flavour –

Flavour is the overall perception of the coffee in your mouth. Acidity, aroma, and body are components of flavour. It is the balance and homogenization of these senses that create your overall perception of flavour.

Acidity – It is the sensation of dryness that the coffee produces under the edges of your tongue and on the back of your palate. It provides a sharp, bright, vibrant quality. Without sufficient acidity, the coffee will tend to taste flat. Acidity should not be confused with sour, which is an unpleasant, negative flavour characteristic.

Aroma – Without our sense of smell, our only taste sensations would be: sweet, sour, salty, and bitter. The aroma contributes to the flavours we discern on our palates. Subtle nuances, such as “floral” or “winy” characteristics, are derived from the aroma of the brewed coffee.

Body – It is the viscosity, heaviness, thickness, or richness that is perceived on the tongue. A good example of body would be that of the feeling of whole milk in your mouth, as compared to water. Your perception of the body of a coffee is related to the oils and solids extracted during brewing. Coffees with a heavier body will maintain more of their flavour when diluted.

c. My Recipes –

Basic Ingredients –

Standard Espresso shot – 60 ml, Steamed milk, Milk Foam, Condiments (Nutmeg, Cinnamon, Chocolate powder etc.)

1. Cappuccino –

Espresso:Milk:Foam :: 1:1:1 (a.k.a. rule of thirds)

Foam dense, Total 180 ml, Optional condiments

2. Americano / Long Black (My daily cup) –

Espresso:Water :: 1:2

Always add hot water separately to espresso, Total 180 ml

3. Cafe Latte –

Espresso:Milk:Foam :: 1:3:1

Foam Light, Total 300 ml

4. Flat White –

Same as Latte except it has no foam, Total 240 ml

5. Macchiato –

Espresso: Foam :: 1:1

Foam dense, Total 120 ml

Diving is a costly affair – no second thoughts on that, but the experience is totally worth it, especially if you get a license like I did. In the words of a cheap person (yours truly) – it is worth every single paisa. The instructors and diving buddies at Male are amazing. They are very friendly and adjusting so that you overcome every fear and boldly dive down, safe and amazed.

To earn my license, I completed a series of tests, a bit theoretical and a lot underwater. It included taking out my breathing regulator deep down and after a short while, retrieving and reusing it. At one point I had to stay still for a minute at a given depth without bobbing up or down. During this exercise, I was cross-legged, holding my fins (still on) with my hands, looking like an underwater ascetic of sorts. I took a total of six dives, including instructional and those for pure pleasure. Anyone who has dived in Male will know these areas – Maagiri, Bandos Reef, Coral Garden, Manta Point and Fish Tank.

And now, on to what I experienced. Although all the amazing witnessing I did was at very close distance, I obeyed the instruction of “looking, no touching”. We always started our dives near coral reefs, which are complex and delicate ecosystems, and they contain schools of fishes and a few mean-tempered Murray Eels. Schools of different fishes roamed around us like I had seen in the videos of divers on TV. I saw three Black-tip Reef Shark in different dives; the last sighting was at a distance of three feet. As my instructor had pointed out, they were harmless. I was fortunate enough to witness 8-10 Sting Rays up close. In one of the instructional dives, I saw four Napoleon Wrasse together. I wasn’t aware of their existence and their size startled me so much I nearly soiled myself. I saw a Sturgeon fish and at one point, four Maldives Anemone fish (NEMO!!). I could even take a video of a school of 30-40 dolphins who crossed paths with our boat one day. Even HD versions of Discovery, NGC and the rest can’t compare to the four days I lived there.

I had a ball of a time. I spend over three hours and twenty seven minutes being forty feet underwater. Here is what I have concluded about life after this euphoric experience – Coming out of water to evolve into land dwellers was a waste. It is so amazing underwater and I was so comfortable that I never wanted to end any of my dives.

True, the name is boring, and so is the premise. It is about a government department dealing with parks (I am yawning as I type this). But (that too a big one), everything else about it is fantastic. Amazing characters, super story and a mocumentary style wherein the characters break the fourth wall often.  The best is of course Ron Swanson, who says about fishing “It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.” The bonus is Rashida Jones, who lights up the screen with every appearance.

I am an avid watcher of sitcoms and have been bored with most of them having similar premises and jokes. This one is different. If you don’t need a laugh track to tell you when to snicker or roar, go for it.

If a bowel movement is a “call of nature,” does that make a fart a “missed call”?

It so happened that one of my close friends and I were out shopping for his significant other as a welcome-to-Lucknow gift. It was her first visit to the city, and my friend wanted to be a gentleman for a change. He didn’t want to go alone for the shopping, so he asked me to tag along. Being the cheap bastard I have always been, I agreed to go only after he promised to get me a couple of drinks at the nearby pub. Now all said and done, when a guy shops for clothes or accessories, the only thing which stops him from selecting an item is the fact that it did not fit him. Not so much for gals. So when we arrived at the ladies section of a big, posh, departmental chain store, the realization hit us. No matter what we would pick, it wouldn’t be up-to-the-mark in her eyes. We would definitely score ‘A’ for effort, but the end result would be zero. So we decided to retire to the aforementioned pub and think. Of course, we had a moment of clarity about an hour later, so we went back to the store with our new theorem.

So, what our theorem states is this – In order to see what accessory suits your better half, you try it on yourself (hopefully, not in public eyes). The gayer you look with it, the better she will look in it. Your friend cannot try it for you because she is with you, not with him. Armed with this new revelation, we went forward and tried its practical application. As my friend tried on one purse after another, I gave him the necessary comments – “Gay…Very gay…ehh, not so gay…wow that is gay…ok gay.”

Turns out that the theorem was correct. My friend later reported me with its success. Sure beats getting published in a journal any day!!

20 years ago there were not many ice-cream corporate chains, but still the owners were wise enough to know that it makes sense to open a store right next to the dental clinic. However in Bangalore that’s not the case anymore, I even don’t see any billboard/pamphlet directing me in the right direction. I wonder why? Is it a connection that is unique for me and does not work for the masses or the big marketing analytics team have overlooked the aspect.

I always believe that parents secretly feel guilty for forcing their kids to visit a doctor/dentist. Hence after the visit they are ready to reward the kids with anything!!

Apropos several loose cannons on the so-called coup in January 2012, there is a precedent going back to 1964. Field Marshal Maneckshaw, who was then the Western Army Commander was given instructions by Gen. Chaudhuri, the then chief, to move with troops into Delhi, in case Nehru died, which he did under protest. Chaudhuri did not back Maneckshaw and Maneckshaw was then shifted to Eastern Command. The explanations were given later. This and the so-called “coup scoop” supposed to have taken place in January 2012 have created enough debate.

Many believe that a coup is impossible in India because you need all the army, navy, air-force and the strategic forces commanders. This is amateurish – the more the accomplices, the greater the chances of leaks. All you need is a brigade (50 companies of 100) armed to the teeth. In an urban jungle planes and tanks and even jeeps are useless against foot soldiers as three top Mumbai policemen realised too late against the terrorists. First, electronically and physically isolate Delhi – telecommunications, TV, radio stations, internet gateway, media offices, airports/ road/railway routes. Coup timed when Parliament has full attendance – forthcoming Presidential elections. Just one company can take all MPs. Recall what five men did in Delhi in 2001 and ten did in Mumbai in 2008.

The remaining seal Rashtrapathi Bhavan, North & South Blocks, Supreme Court, IB & RAW HQs, Delhi Police, BSF/CRPF HQs, foreign diplomats and top corporate honchos. With MPs, babus, IB, etc in custody, all other commanders, police and para-military will be only too happy to join the coup. Initial tipping-point success within 24 hours is essential to bring all on board. Since no Lieutenant-General / Major-General or their equivalents need be initially involved things will look normal. Assuming this plan does not work and the other forces mount a counter attack on Delhi – all VVIP hostages will be shot dead by the coup group before they too perish. Delhi will be rubble. As far as the people are concerned, either way it does not matter! Right? Anyone want to be my 2i/c?

Whatever the controversies during his tenure, the General has taught us a few things that we would
need to remember

‘Thank God he has retired’ echoed from several quarters, including our media, some of whom speculated

whether he would hand over charge! Look at the General’s service record – in 42 years of service, before
becoming Chief, he was in Army HQ for just one posting and that too as a Major. In AHQ you don’t count for
much unless you are at least a Major-General. His successor has had about half a dozen AHQ assignments and
three UN postings. It would be interesting to know how many such postings other chiefs have had. Everyone
knows that HQ tenures help build connections and relationships, even beyond the army, that prove useful later
on. Frequent postings in HQ are also associated with a more “political nature” and “flexibility” of the officer.

Has the government or the Supreme Court established that 1951 is NOT the birth date? All vacillated, beating
around the bush, resorting to semantics like “threshold documents” – the application form and two letters. All
the promotion letters, issued by the same Military Secretary’s Branch right up to the rank of Major-General,
which showed 1951 as the birth date, were conveniently ignored. Were these also not “threshold documents”?
Every third party document – authorized by law as proof of birth – hospital records and the school certificate
- showed 1951. If these are superseded hen why ask anyone for proof of birth? What if the application form
stated 1951 but the school certificate said 1950? Which one would then have been treated as correct?

Ever since he filed the suit in the Supreme Court, the Government would have engaged the IB, CBI and even
the ED, just as in the case of Jagan Reddy – to try and find some hole in his career to nail him. They evidently
failed miserably. You may ask – is there any proof that the Government did this? Answer – is there proof they
did not? Who leaked the letter to the PM? A letter can be leaked only by the author and the recipient. Had the
author been the source of the leak the Government would have trumpeted this from the ramparts of Red Fort.
Silence reveals a truth that is inconvenient. Recall what Sherlock Holmes said – when you have eliminated all
possibilities through fact and logic, whatever remains is the truth.

Why are the contents of the letter secret? Only strategic macro numbers are to be kept secret. But the larger
picture of arms shortages etc. are of vital knowledge to the people whose money is taken to fund the defence
budget. We have the right to know whether that money has gone. In any case there is nothing so secret about
all this – every foreign intelligence agency and arms suppliers, who are also mostly foreign, know the exact
picture of our armed forces, probably better than the babus and netas.

The “scoop” of the “coup” was nothing more than media “poop”. Are we to believe that the government
continued with a chief for 5 months after an attempted coup? What rubbish. Either Gen. Singh would have
become the Chief Martial Law Administrator or gone to jail or even shot for treason. Look at the nadir media
reporting has fallen.

What the General has achieved, for the benefit of the army and succeeding chiefs, given the flurry of
acquisitions, enhancement of financial powers etc, all within six months, is to establish an old Hindi proverb
– lathon ke dev (or is it bhooth?) bathon se nahin mantey. Snuggly cocooned in South Block, the babus have
been taking the netas for a ride. Recall how they managed to scotch the proposal of a former Defence Minister
to send them to Siachen and other hard postings to see for themselves. ‘Ignorance is bliss’ is the credo of the
babulog as it helps in fluffing off responsibility.

We are told that the new chief has a daunting task ahead to set right the civil-military relationships. But is it
his sole responsibility? What about the Defence Minister? Can he make a clear statement that he is the civil
authority to whom the chiefs are answerable and not the babus? Will he have at least that much courage?
Next, can he back up his statement with empirical and visible action? Can he ensure that files from the armed
forces take the route – PSO – Defence Secretary – Chief – Defence Minister? After all the Chiefs are above the
Secretary in the warrant of precedence and should have the last word before matters go to the Minister. This is
true civilian authority.

Further, why should the babus have any role in armed forces promotions? For fairness? Then who ensures
that promotions in the IAS cadre are fair? Why not let the IPS do that role? And let IPS promotions go to the
army to ensure “fairness” all round! If we cannot trust each of the cadre bosses to be fair, then how the hell
did they get appointed in the first place? And what is the “integrity” of the IAS cadre? It was this cadre that
gleefully processed the emergency proclamation. The then Home Secretary, N.K.Mukharji, ICS (later Cabinet
Secretary and the last ICS officer to retire) refused to toe the line. S.L. Khurana, IAS (!) then Chief Secretary
of Rajasthan proved malleable enough and was brought in as Home Secretary. Of course he was later rewarded
with Governorships. The blackest hour in India’s democratic history was initiated by the IAS cadre. And their
willingness to bend or even crawl to the wishes of their political masters, who conveniently choose to remain
ignorant on several aspects of statecraft, ensured rewards. If we have democracy after 1975 it is because of the
armed forces. It is time the Army and other Chiefs start pulling their weight and get meddlesome babus out of
their hair.

Evidently the problems are on account of the sheer lack of knowledge and incompetence of the political class.
And hence they have placed the bureaucracy as armour in front, and this cadre plays its own little games.
Will you trust the Defence Minister to go for a one-on-one talk on border issues with the Chinese Defence
Minister? He will be eaten raw with soya and chilli sauce.

Want civil-military relationship to be put on an even keel? Let the netas learn what it all about. Even though it
will not win elections. Better late than never.

Maturity is to have patience.

Maturity is the willingness to pass up immediate pleasure in favor of the long-term gain.

Maturity is perseverance, the ability to sweat out a project or a situation in spite of heavy opposition and discouraging set-backs.

Maturity is the capacity to face unpleasantness and frustration, discomfort and defeat, without complaint or collapse.

Maturity is humility. It is being big enough to say, “I was wrong.” And, when right, the mature person need not experience the satisfaction of saying, “I told you so.”

Maturity is the ability to make a decision and stand by it. The immature spend their lives exploring endless possibilities; then they do nothing.

Maturity is the art of living in peace with that which we cannot change, the courage to change that which should be changed — and the wisdom to know the difference

wonder what is the rule for selecting drive and ride

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace Expensive.
So, I took her to a petrol pump.
And then the fight started.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, ‘Do you know him?’
‘Yes,’ She sighed, ‘He’s my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ I said to my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started.

My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to me,
‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then the fight started.

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Kingfisher for 500 rs.
Instead, she bought a jar of Olay cream for 700 rs.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cream..
And then the fight started..

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere iv not been in a long time. So I took her to the kitchen.
And then the fight started…

Since we have been correcting history/political science text books to suit various ethnic, social and political needs, there is one correction that needs to be made. History books tell us that Nehru, a leader of the Congress “fought” for independence. But there is no information on what dates and which places he did so – and what “fighting” he really did. Making provocative speeches (which every two-bit neta does today) and sending long memorandums to the Viceroy do not count. Could the text books please carry this information? Also if he was such a great freedom fighter, then why was he not sent to the Andamans where the real freedom fighters were sent? Why was he sent to jails with all comforts where he could letters that became books and on which royalty was earned later? I am told that the only fighting that Nehru only indulged in hand-to-hand ‘combat’ – with the Viceroy’s wife on the lawns of the present Rashtrapathi Bhavan. History books also tell us of the great crime Nathuram Godse committed in assassinating Mahatma Gandhi. But they do not tell us that he committed an even greater crime – he shot the wrong man. Who should he have shot – the Great Freedom “Fighter”. History books should also tell us why the Congress that claims to be a Gandhian party did not dissolve itself as desired by the Mahatma. Will the HRD Minister answer all these questions so that our censored knowledge of history is complete? Perhaps the above is the reason why many say ‘istri’ for history. They know that inconvenient facts have been istrified.

Do you know that your bonus payout is taxed at a different rate than your fixed (monthly salary)?

Here is how:

Your bonus is always taxed at your highest tax bracket, while there are various exemptions available which are tax exempt.

1. Your HRA would be 40-50% of your basic. This is tax exempt if you have the proper rental receipts.
2. Employer’s contribution would be 12% of your basic which does not even show up in your IT records.
3. Based on company policy your LTA would be a % of your basic which is also tax exempt. (Say 2%)

So 54-64% of your basic salary is tax free. Assuming your basic compensation is 50% of your gross compensation (may vary based on company policy) this translates into 27-32% of your fixed salary being tax exempt.

This means that rather than a popular myth of income tax being 30%, your effective income tax on any increments (in your fixed salary) would be mere 20-22%

So 1L of bonus taxed at 30% leaves you with 70K, while 1L of additional fixed salary would leave you with 80K extra take home. (~15% higher)

Other merits of having high fixed salary (rather than bonus):

1. Since fixed salary is paid out monthly (rather than yearly/periodically), it eases your liquidity and ability to meet your regular expenses.
2. If you quit your job in the mid-year, no company pays you your due share of the bonus. Hence it’s always beneficial to minimize the receivables.
3. Gratuity/severance payouts are on the basis of your fixed
4. Your bank loan eligibility limit is determined on your monthly take home. So high fixed component makes it easier to buy that bigger car/home that you always dreamed of.
5. Also its beneficial to prepay the loan with a higher EMI, rather than using Bonus to pre-pay (as there are pre-payment penalties etc which you can avoid)
6. At 9% interest rate, and assuming that the bonus is paid annually at the end of the year, you would lose about 4.5% as interest/time value of money alone.

Bonus payouts are also not without merits:

1 Since bonus is often tied to the performance levels (personal + team + corporate), there is usually a very high chance to achieve higher bonus.

2 Being paid as a lump sum amount, it is a great morale boaster. It really helps you make the purchase/investment that you always wanted to.

3 Many companies use bonus as a retention tool, as employees usually wait till the Bonus payouts before expressing their desire to quit. Hence lesser value of the bonus, the more control you would have over the timing of the exit.

Hence don’t fall into the CTC (cost to company) trap; always calculate your salary on the basis of BTE (Benefit to employee) basis. A 119% bonus payout at the end of the year is financially equivalent to the same amount being added to your fixed salary. (15% +4.5%)

Regards,

Ankur Aggarwal

Practice Manager, Corporate Strategy

IP Extension – 66130

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The shift from discounts, cash on delivery, return policies to the fact that its not too risky to shop online is a wonderful change. It addresses the core issue which keeps most shoppers away from websites, while ensuring that e-commerce not mere discount stores.

In the medieval ages, gun powder was the symbol of power and wealth. More the number of guns were shot, the more blackpowder was needed. One of the most important component of blackpowder was saltpeter which was almost exclusively made from Piss (but animal piss this time). http://www.musketeer.ch/blackpowder/saltpeter.html

In the modern era, there were cheaper ways to produce ammonia and nitrous oxides, but that never diminished the importance of these compounds. Ammonia is used even today in Urea and almost all fertilizers, while nitrous oxides are still the most important ingredient of all explosives, bullets and weapons. Its even said that the Allied bombing lead to destruction of several important sites that produced Nitrous oxide. This severely reduced the supply of nitrogen for Hitler and almost all was being diverted to make explosives. This caused a famine which started a chain of events leading to invasion of Russia (for its fertile land and supply of Potato and wheat)

On a serious note:
Employees ofter overestimate their capabilities when they threaten to quit, but one should always remember that the corporation will continue to exist (and hopefully flourish) long after you have parted ways… much in the same way that you will continue to grow and flourish even after you have severed your ties with the current job. The job never defines a person, its just a stepping stone preparing you for bigger and better things (both professionally and personally)

The feat was performed in front of Halfdan and his personal advisor. Orvandel took three arrows from his quiver. He aimed one arrow at the apple upon his son’s head and shot it, cleaving the apple in two. Halfdan kept his word and let him free. Before he left, Halfdan asked Orvandel why he took three arrows. To this, Halfdan’s personal advisor replied that if Orvandel had failed and killed his son, the other two arrows were meant for his captors who nearly caused his son’s death.

The tale of William Tell seems to be a fine example of copy paste!

Gandalf – Finally Wikipedia confirmed what I suspected from the start. I was into Nordic mythology a long time before I saw LOTR (never read it though). The description of Gandalf the Grey is exactly like Odin’s disguise on earth, with the exception of Gandalf having both his eyes intact. Check this wiki link.

Hel(l) – Well, you’ve heard it, lesser times than me, but someone has damned you to it at least once. Turns out, Christianity borrowed this from the pagan Nords. Hel was the child of Loki, the trickster God. Her half body was of a beautiful woman, and the other half was rotting corpse. She was banished by the Gods along with her siblings, Fenrir and Jormungandr (Also mentioned in the previous post). But before she was cast out, the Allfather Odin gave her authority over the nine worlds. She was to “administer board and lodging to those sent to her, and that is those who die of sickness or old age.” She was given her own realm where here powers were supreme, surpassing even Odin. There have been instances where even Odin failed to bring back from the dead someone he wanted, because Hel didn’t want it.

Her realm, also known as Hel, had a hall called Éljúðnir, the entrance threshold “Stumbling-block,” curtains “Gleaming-bale,” a dish called “Hunger,” a knife called “Famine,” the servant Ganglati (“lazy walker”), the serving-maid Ganglöt (also “lazy walker”) and the bed “Sick-bed.” During Ragnarok, Hel will lead all her dead in a ship made of fingernails, Naglfar, against the Gods.

No wonder. After such a description, it certainly is hell.

Merchant of Venice – The incident of the Pound of flesh:
Its well known that Shakespeare’s works were heavily influenced by different sources. I found an interesting story which is the source of one of his better plots, the pound of flesh, wherein an adamant Shylock wants the pound of flesh, closest to heart, from Antonio. When all attempts to redeem it in gold fails, it is Portia who uses her wits and tells Shylock that he may have the flesh but not a single drop of blood could be shed. This effectively saves Antonio and Shylock’s plans are thwarted.

In Nordic mythology, there were two dwarf families who were accomplished craftsmen of fine metals, Ivalde and Sindre. They provided ornaments to the Gods and embellished their palaces. Ivalde and Sindre’s kinsmen were rivals. Once, the trickster God Loki challenged both clans to produce their best works, and the Gods would reward the better clan. Before the completion of the work, Brok, a member of Sindre’s clan, boasted the greater skill of his fellows. Loki wagered his own head against it, and the bet was readily accepted.
Upon completion, each of the gifts received praises of the Gods. But those of Sindre’s clan were considered best. Brok demanded his prize, Loki’s head, which he had wagered. Loki offered to redeem it, but Brok didn’t accept anything else. Loki, finding no alternative, vanished from sight. But the angered dwarf appealed to the mighty God Thor to seize Loki, who set forth and returned with him.
“Thy head is mine,” exclaimed Brok, who prepared to cut it off.
“Thine indeed is the head, answered Loki, “but not the neck.”
Brok appealed to the Gods, but they gave judgment that favored Loki. They told Brok that he might take the head, but the neck he must not injure.

Anchors of Ships – Through films, cartoons or actual observations, we have seen how a ship’s anchor looks like. As it turns out, these anchors are the Viking’s way of warding off the evil world-serpent. The story goes like this – One child of the Trickster God Loki was a serpent, Jormungandr. It was prophesied that it would grow big enough to encompass the whole world and fight the Gods in Ragnarok, the ultimate battle. It was also foretold that it would fight the mighty God Thor and both would kill each other, hence it was immediately banished in the oceans.

Considering that Vikings were a great sea-faring race, what followed was an important incident. Much after Jormungandr’s banishment, Thor was fishing, and instead of a fish, he pulled up the world-serpent! Thor saw an opportunity to change the future and grabbed his famous hammer Mjollnir. By the time he retrieved it, Jormungandr dived back and vanished in the ocean.

It was the Mjollnir, which caused the world-serpent to run from a fight; hence it has been used by ships as a symbol of warding off evils in the water. The anchor of any ship represents the Mjollnir, and this shape is still used with slight modifications.

King Arthur’s Excalibur – The Nordic sagas tell of a great hero Sigurd/ Siegfried who killed the dragon Fafnir using the sword Gram (Old Norse “wrath”). This sword had its own history. It was forged by the legendary smith Wayland and was displayed in the fabled hall of the Volsung. Odin, the chief God of Norse, took the sword and stuck it in the tree Barnstokk in the middle of the hall. Odin then announced that the man who removed the sword would have it as a gift. Sigmund, a hero and the father of Sigurd, managed to do so and achieved wealth and fame wielding it later. This motif was used similarly for Arthur, who pulled the sword Excalibur from a stone to prove his rightfulness to rule Britain.

I was always intrigued by the Scandinavian mythology. It is one of the few mythologies (possibly the only one) where the Gods will die fighting all evil, in the epic battle of Ragnarok. This came as a surprise because God(s) are supposed to triumph over evil, even if eventually. As I went through their holy books – Prosic and Poetic Edda, I came across some very interesting facts we take at face value.

Weekdays: The names of the six days of the week are named after six Gods of the Scandinavians – Sunday was Son(Sun)’s Day, Monday was Moon’s Day, Tuesday was the Brave Tyr’s Day, Wednesday was the All Father Wodan (Odin)’s Day, Thursday was Almighty Thor’s Day and Friday was Freyr’s Day. I guess most early cultures followed the lunar six days calendar; hence it was the Romans who added a seventh Saturn’s Day.

Directions: According to these legends, the sky is held up at the four corners by four dwarves– Austri, Vestri, Nordi and Sudri, who became East, West, North and South, the four cardinal directions.

Jack and Jill: The old English nursery rhyme has its roots in pagan mythology too. Legends say that with the Moon God are two children whom he carried away from earth-a boy who was called Hjuki (Jack), and a girl whose name is Bill (Jill). These were identified as the spots on the moon. They had been sent out in the darkness of night by their father, to draw a special kind of mead from the spring Byrger, which broke forth from the source of mythical fountain of Mimer, atop a hill. They filled their pail to the brink. (Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.)

This was a fountain special to the Gods and they did not want mortals to share it. When they began to descend the mountain, the Moon God chased them. As they fell down, He seized them and took them away with their pail. (Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.)

 I will talk about more facts in forthcoming posts.

A fisherman puts a dozen crabs in a basket and seals its top. Then no matter who strong the basket is, the crabs team up together and break free. Many lose their claws (limbs) in the process, but it’s a price well paid for the freedom they all deserve.
In the second case, the dozen crabs are left in the same basket, but this time the top is left open. The light from the top of this shallow container is perceived as achievable escape route and all the crabs independently quest towards being the first to reach to the top. In the resulting scramble, they pull each other down and hence no crab is ever able to escape.

Life of a citizen is like that crab trapped inside an airtight container. As Karl Marx once said, “We have nothing to lose but our chains”. A bloody revolution soon followed in Russia which led to purging of Czars. A citizen pushed to the edge has no option but to rebel. An accidental hero is born when the action of this lone desperate man is worshipped by thousands of sympathizers and ardent followers.
So how does any government prevent such an explosive situation? Simple like our fisherman friend, give your citizens/crabs hope. Show them a path through which each and everyone can achieve a respectable comfortable life. Then make sure everybody gets busy pursuing this vision. A point to remember is that it’s the journey, not the destination that keeps a person engaged (and hence under control). When a person believes that their much cherished goals are within reach, they forget all planning, strategy, pledges. This disorganized mass then loses its unity and is easy to control.
India has been a functional anarchy for the past 60 years, but it still survives, why? Unlike the governments in Middle East, citizens witnessed socio-economic mobility. People from the villages moved to the city and escaped the clutches of poverty and oppression from the landlords (zamindars). Education led to creation of a new breed of Indian Middle Class who did not inherit wealth but created one. The government/container is saved because everybody is busy and nobody teaming against it.

The idea is not to be selling any financial products/ponzi schemes but to help one set realistic financial goals and work towards achieving it. One of the biggest problem I see in India is mis-selling of products by agents who care only about their commissions. As a result the pyramid schemes are sold as entrepreneurial ventures, the saving schemes are sold as insurance and tax saving schemes rob the individuals of their precious little savings.

If this initiative is successful then probably I could rope in a few more friends to provide a similar service in Delhi and Mumbai. Also you could be doing a great service to your friends and colleagues if you could request your HR to permit me hold a seminar in one of the company’s conference halls or maybe even man a temporary booth in your cafeteria. I would be glad to provide my credentials for the same.

1. Kingfisher airline: Anybody who has flown on Kingfisher (before the crisis) would agree that this airline was a class apart when it came to customer service. However the airline was unable to charge a premium to cover the cost of the service and the airline has gone broke.
2. Ever walked into Big Bazaar, well how can one possibly walk in there? The aisles are so cramped and crowded that even a dash from entrance to exit takes 15 minutes. The constant noise of public announcements will make your ears bleed and the queue in front of the billing counter never seems to end. Yet it is the most successful (and talked about) super market chain in the country.
3. Almost any good club in India takes pride in imposing very stringent entry barriers for its customers. The clubs that screens it clientele (based on looks, perception of being loaded, hefty entry charge, cover charges etc.) are always overbooked. While the club next door that even offers “happy hours (50% off on drinks) and other discounts is always half empty.
4. I guess it’s not only the youth in the country, who is masochist. Most pricy fine dining restaurants will have long waiting queues. I swore there was a restaurant in Park Street who made me wait for 15 minutes even when the establishment was half empty.
5. Audit firms that are customer centric are only inviting trouble. Sometimes it’s good to be cold and professional in all your dealings.
6. My undergraduate school and my post-graduate school treated me like shit and spared no occasion to remind the entire batch (not just me) that how they are a disgrace to the prestige of the institute. Yet they continue to receive 1000 applications for every seat they have to offer. Employers flock around these campuses because the bruised (crushed) ego makes them ideal employees.
7. I know so many people who continue to curse the PSU banks for their ancient infrastructure, short operating hours, and the attitude towards customers in general. Yet they continue to bank with them.
8. One of the reasons for the decline to mature companies is that they are so much focused in serving the existing clients that they miss out on the new business opportunities.
9. Almost all the cloth stores in India have a sign that says that the store does not have any return policy, guarantee that the garments will not shrink after wash or that the colors will not bleed. Yet we have not stopped purchasing from them.
10. Walk into any big firm and you would see that PR (Public Relations) department focusing not on improving the public relations but limiting the damage that the company’s policies and statements have on its finances.

“Low cost” businesses ignore the clients because it reinforces their image of being able to provide the best price, no frills service for its customers. ‘Premium/Luxury’ businesses ignore their customers as part of their well thought off strategy to maintain exclusivity. It’s only the mediocre that are stuck with no plan or strategy that end up providing excellent service to their clients because they have nothing better to do.
Good guys always finish last.
So show a little spine and get rid of customers that make no economic sense to serve. Customer service is just one of the components of the Value proposition. Well positioned, quality offering which meets the clients requirements is the key to success.

Further reading: http://www.economist.com/blogs/schumpeter/2012/03/how-deal-muppets

BTW http://www.indiagetonline.in/ (a google/hostgator initiative) allows you to register a *.in domain and host it for one year for free. However your PAN card is required for the registration (most other domain registration website don’t require your PAN number.

The product was reasonably priced, promptly delivered and matched the description and quality that I had anticipated. However what made the real difference is the presentation.
1. It was a beautiful carton and the packaging was not only aesthetically pleasing but also functional.
2. It came with a handwritten note (from one of the co-founder) along with a lovely envelope thanking me for the purchase and wishing me the best.
3. It came with a small handcrafted scented wax-terracotta lamp.

I have always emphasized that when Indians shop online, they seek value for money. Discounts and coupons are an easy way to satisfy this need of the customers, but it is not a sustainable one. What makes you really stand out is the way the e-commerce store handles the order. This handwritten note and diya would not cost much, but they definitely add this personal touch which any online biz lacks.

One should remember that Indian middle class is quite mobile and online stores are a great way to ensure that the family traditions on those special occasions are maintained. (and yes if you add birthdays and festivals, we have something or the other every second week). I wish I could gift my parents/in-laws a product that i bought in a clearance sale at a throw-away price. However I would be much more comfortable gifting them something that was nicely packaged, parceled and delivered without any hassle.

BTW Indian handicrafts make a perfect gift for all occasion (esp. if you want to gift it someone from a different culture) and my friend Shivam has agreed to post a video of dokra casting being sculptured live along with a note of various indian tribal cultures and their unique handicrafts. I would also insist that him to order something from the website and learn from the experience.

The street vendor can recite his entire Cash-Flow statement, Balance sheet (how much is in his inventory, how much debt he has taken, how much credit he has given, how much money he has put in etc.) and his P&L. However EPFO takes a year to do these calculations and ever after those, they make a royal mess.

Today I got a mail from my payroll department with my EPFO balance. However that came with this Disclaimer:

“The calculation excludes the interest component & this mail is for your information only.”

Considering that interest rate in India is 8.5% and I have been working since 2004, this information was actually misleading and worthless.

Hence I logged into the EPFO website. The site keeps on crashing, it has no way to get an online statement, paper statement or even call up someone who would know this information. Finally through miracle of god I was able to access: http://www.epfindia.com/membbal.html . After fiddling around for 10 minutes, I was able to get this information:

“Your EPF Balance as on 03/03/12 is XXX (Accounts updated up to 31/03/2011)”

What is that takes them one year to update the records? Last year they discovered a huge pile of unaccounted cash-pile (which they disbursed as a bonus/extra interest payout) which they later on discovered was because the interest rates were not accrued properly. Such Goof-ups for an organization that manages savings for over 100 millions souls is totally reckless and unacceptable.