e-Nagar

October 9, 2011

eMail jokes

Filed under: Email Hoakes, Humor — Skabeesh @ 7:40 am

1. This took place in Charlotte, North Carolina.
 
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars then insured them against, among other things… “FIRE”..!!
 
Within a month… having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars… the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
 
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were… “lost in a series of small fires’.
 
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
 
The lawyer sued… and… WON…!!!
 
Delivering the ruling… the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous… but he stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be acceptable explanation of the term ‘fire’…(as in the act of actually smoking the cigar) and was obligated to pay the claim.
 
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling… and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that were… “lost in a series of small fires’.
 
NOW FOR THE BEST PART…
 
After the lawyer cashed the check… the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON…!!!
 
With evidence of his own insurance claim… and testimony from the case being used against him… the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine…!!!
 
This true story won First Place in the “Criminal Lawyers Award” contest in the following year.
 
ONLY IN AMERICA…!!!

2.An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.This continued off and on for several weeks.Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: ‘I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: ’He lives in a home, with my non stop chatting and nagging wife, he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.Can I come with him tomorrow ? Thanks

October 6, 2011

Coming back with web quips

Filed under: Thoughts — Skabeesh @ 6:45 pm

I have often faced situations when I failed to come up with a good retort or comeback immediately, unlike what they show on TV or Movies. You know the type, one character says something insulting to the protagonist and he replies with something that blows the first person’s socks off. So I decided to use the internet.

I figured out if the net can give me info (and porn) it can surely give me quips. Guess what, I was right! I know this idea sounds lame, but check out www.grouchyrabbit.com and www.dearblankpleaseblank.com. Good laughs in both of them, and if you are particularly crazy about grass, check out www.thathigh.com. Wonder if I should charge these sites for advertising…

September 12, 2011

life without constraints

Filed under: Miscellaneous — Ankur Aggarwal @ 11:26 am

People tell me freedom is living life without restraints. However, if I see around then almost everyone has given up some degree of their freedom. Many have even forced others to give up their freedom (under the pretext of option or by persuasion)

Cavemen have given up their freedom for civilization, law and order. Marriage constraints our personal life. Home mortgage EMI takes away our financial freedom, employment bonds/service contracts takes away our professional freedom. Why is it that everyone talks so much of freedom but they part with it so easily? The moment we plan, commit, agree to something we tie ourselves up and give up our freedom.

Hence I think freedom is ability to choose one’s constraints.

September 11, 2011

Prestige group doing Illegal mining

Filed under: Miscellaneous — Ankur Aggarwal @ 6:58 am

Recently a friend of mine discovered that under the pretext of land/property development, prestige group is doing illegal granite mining near (Christ College) Dairy Circle Bangalore.
They have dug up as deep as 250 feet in a 5 acre property (which is like a 1000 tonne of granite) already and are digging in for more. No permits/mining licenses are posted on the premises, in fact they have cordoned the entire area off from public.

August 31, 2011

Frasier Quotes

Filed under: Humor, Quotes — Skabeesh @ 12:48 pm

I am a big fan of the sitcom Frasier. It is one of the most successful spin-off series in television history and one of the most critically acclaimed comedy series of all time. During it’s eleven year run., it won a record 37 Emmies. I decided to compile the best quotes from the protagonist, Dr. Frasier Crane. Although I do believe watching them in context is way funnier.

01.I’m not chicken. I’m just really hesitant.

02.I’m sorry, Niles, I was afraid you might be trying to get a picture of my butt!

03.How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!

04.You’d be hard-pressed to find a bigger snob in the entire room!

05.I’m not bored, I was simply wondering how long we’ve been sitting here enjoying ourselves.

06.You’re not a child anymore. Now come with me to the bathroom.

07.There’s an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. If I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn’t be able to locate my interest in your problem.

08.I took my poor battered heart and offered it to Lilith….who put it in her little food processor and hit the puree button.

09.She’s obviously a little touchy about her age, but it’s not like this is the first time she’s turned forty.

10.I am so tired of your exaggeration! You always make things 50,000 times worse than they are!

11.There are worse things than seeing your career go down the toilet. I could have my hedges cut into unattractive shapes.

12.Oh, I’m sorry. Was I snippy? I didn’t realize that it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

13.And while I agree that washing his hands twenty to thirty times a day would be considered obsessive-compulsive behavior, bear in mind that your husband is a coroner.

14.I see you’re still waiting on that spine donor.

15.Somebody’s marriage must be on the skids! Somebody’s career must be going badly . . . besides mine.

August 29, 2011

OF CONGRESS & PARLIAMENT

Filed under: Miscellaneous — Ankur Aggarwal @ 11:39 pm

Guest post by T.R. Ramaswami

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals. We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock/Clutch of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese. However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves, an Army of ants, a Swarm of bees, Troop of monkeys, etc.
Now consider Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons? Believe it or not … Congress! Now ‘congress’ is also used to denote that familiar nocturnal activity that results in families. No wonder the country is probably being ‘congressed’?!

Owls, considered wise in western culture, are given the collective noun – ‘Parliament’ – presumably because parliament is a group of wise people. But owls – ie ulus – have a negative image here in India. Now if you translate “parliament of owls” into Hindi – you get “uluon ka sansad”!! Look how the translation also retains the cultural image!

Parliament is famous for forming Committees – that’s the collective noun for vultures! Again so appropriate! Incidentally the various collective nouns for politicians are – FIB, CHAOS, EXPENSE, SHAME & CORRUPTION. Now can Lokpal do anything to a congress of baboons and an uluon ka sansad, before the country gets ‘congressed’ and only the vultures are waiting for the pickings?

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