muffins

They had been married for sixty years. They were far from rich, but in very good health, due largely to her insistence that they both eat healthy foods and exercise every day. But their good health didn’t help them when their plane crashed. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter led them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen, and a waterfall in the master bath. They gasped in astonishment. “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home for eternity.”
The man asked, “How much will this cost?”
“Why, nothing,” St. Peter replied. “This is your heavenly reward. And see that championship golf course out your back window? It’s included, too; you can play as much as you want, for free.”
He also showed them the clubhouse, the pool, the lavish meals of every cuisine imaginable. “This is Heaven. Everything is free for you to enjoy.”
The old man glanced nervously at his wife and then asked, “But where are the low fat, low cholesterol foods, the decaffeinated tea, the…”
St. Peter interrupted. “That’s the best part,” he said. “You can eat and drink as much as you like, of anything you like, and you’ll never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!”
“No gym to work out at?”
“Only if you want to.”
“No testing my sugar or blood pressure or…”
“Never again. Here you just enjoy yourself.” The old man glared at his wife and said, “You and your damned bran muffins! We could have been here twenty years ago!”

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