Frasier Quotes

I am a big fan of the sitcom Frasier. It is one of the most successful spin-off series in television history and one of the most critically acclaimed comedy series of all time. During it’s eleven year run., it won a record 37 Emmies. I decided to compile the best quotes from the protagonist, Dr. Frasier Crane. Although I do believe watching them in context is way funnier.

01.I’m not chicken. I’m just really hesitant.

02.I’m sorry, Niles, I was afraid you might be trying to get a picture of my butt!

03.How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!

04.You’d be hard-pressed to find a bigger snob in the entire room!

05.I’m not bored, I was simply wondering how long we’ve been sitting here enjoying ourselves.

06.You’re not a child anymore. Now come with me to the bathroom.

07.There’s an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. If I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn’t be able to locate my interest in your problem.

08.I took my poor battered heart and offered it to Lilith….who put it in her little food processor and hit the puree button.

09.She’s obviously a little touchy about her age, but it’s not like this is the first time she’s turned forty.

10.I am so tired of your exaggeration! You always make things 50,000 times worse than they are!

11.There are worse things than seeing your career go down the toilet. I could have my hedges cut into unattractive shapes.

12.Oh, I’m sorry. Was I snippy? I didn’t realize that it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!

13.And while I agree that washing his hands twenty to thirty times a day would be considered obsessive-compulsive behavior, bear in mind that your husband is a coroner.

14.I see you’re still waiting on that spine donor.

15.Somebody’s marriage must be on the skids! Somebody’s career must be going badly . . . besides mine.

 

OF CONGRESS & PARLIAMENT

Guest post by T.R. Ramaswami

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals. We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock/Clutch of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese. However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves, an Army of ants, a Swarm of bees, Troop of monkeys, etc.
Now consider Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons? Believe it or not … Congress! Now ‘congress’ is also used to denote that familiar nocturnal activity that results in families. No wonder the country is probably being ‘congressed’?!

Owls, considered wise in western culture, are given the collective noun – ‘Parliament’ – presumably because parliament is a group of wise people. But owls – ie ulus – have a negative image here in India. Now if you translate “parliament of owls” into Hindi – you get “uluon ka sansad”!! Look how the translation also retains the cultural image!

Parliament is famous for forming Committees – that’s the collective noun for vultures! Again so appropriate! Incidentally the various collective nouns for politicians are – FIB, CHAOS, EXPENSE, SHAME & CORRUPTION. Now can Lokpal do anything to a congress of baboons and an uluon ka sansad, before the country gets ‘congressed’ and only the vultures are waiting for the pickings?

 

NOT ONE – A BILLION

Guest Post by: T.R. Ramaswami

In some form or the other a Lokpal bill will definitely be passed by Parliament. However this Lokpal is only an apex level investigative authority who will act when a complaint is made. How different he will be from the CVC or CBI or whether the same fate befalls this office remains to be seen. There is no point having an investigative office when the system allows the corrupt and criminals to get in. That drain must be blocked with an effective net – NOTA.

If NOTA gets the highest votes, all candidates in that constituency lose their deposits. If such a candidate wants to again participate in the by-elections, his party will have to bear pro-rata cost of the election. That will solve the cost questions that are always raised. This is for all elections – from Gram Panchayat to Lok Sabha. Once the people know that their vote now really counts, watch the turnover at the polls. We can also progress to voting on the net or even mobile booths. This will solve the inertia problem that now exists and which netas want to continue by making it cumbersome to vote. The idea is to bring the polls to the people and not make people to go to the polls. Once there are a billion Lokpals such a system will be very difficult and costly to subvert – power will be in the hands of the people. The apex Lokpal will have fewer complaints.

It is perhaps the power that NOTA can wield that is making politicians and even the media, which is part of the establishment mafia, keep peculiarly silent on this issue.

 

WARS AND NUMBERS

Guest Post by: T.R. Ramaswami

The First World War, called the Great War acquired its premier ordinal global status only in 1939 after WW II started. Similarly when, how and why the Great Indian Mutiny aka Sepoy Mutiny acquired the appellation ‘First War of Independence’ is not very clear. But then, which was the second? Why not call it just the War of Independence? It would appear that the Congress wanted its freedom struggle to be ‘recognized’ as the ‘Second War of Independence’ though all-out wars can hardly last more than a few years. The independence ‘struggle’ proper took more than three decades.

Why did the Sepoy Mutiny fail? Compare the current nation-wide participation in the Anna Hazare campaign. The mutiny had no central leadership, identity or plan. Separate uprisings at various places on hearing of similar events elsewhere pursued their own agenda. But the most critical reason is that there was no means of mass communication. Thus the mutiny could not acquire the critical mass required for success. Telegraph came to India only in 1869. Contrast this with the manner the Anna campaign has all means of internal communications and external publicity. Without this it could have never become what it is. If JP had got this publicity in 1975, history would have been different. No wonder the Government wants to clamp down on electronic media. Let alone India, even the world is watching the Second (or is it Third?) War of Independence – with the Government being a very good comedian. Only the heroine is missing.

 

RADDI > SUBSCRIPTION = PROFIT ?

Guest post by: T.R. Ramaswami

Fantastic post retirement get rich scam – with media help! Annual newspaper subscription is Rs.149/- . That is just Rs.12/- per month. One month’s raddi is about 3 kg which is Rs.9-10 per kg depending on season. That is 27/- per month giving me a profit of 15/- . A whopping 125%! With 1000 subscriptions it will be 1000/ per day, profit 600/- , or Rs.2,19,000/- pa on an investment of 1,49,000/- Is this taxable? The paper need not reach me – the newspaperwallah will also become a raddiwallah or they can set up business right next to each other. The break-even subscription cost is Rs.324/- per year. At that price, subscription = raddi (@ Rs.9/- per kg, BEP is Rs.360/- @ Rs.10/-) and you get to read a paper free. This is raddimathics, not taught even at Harvard!
Effort – write just one cheque. But will Jayanthi Natarajan approve of all this? Solution – the newspaper publisher will pay me directly with post dated monthly cheques – no need of even printing the paper! A perfect example of a ghost-cum-havala business. Similar business already there – selling IPO abridged prospectus after stripping (financially appropriate!) application form even before issue opens. Is my scam ok, or is it like the joke of a businessman (ethnicity secret to be politically correct) who wanted to print invitations for his daughter’s marriage. Printer quote – 500 cards will cost Rs.10/- each, 1000 will be Rs.8/- each and 5000 will be Rs.6/- each. Ethnically secret man asks printer – how much to order so that it is free?!!

 

Personal information: Conspiring Malls

I am a kind of person who never shares his/her phone number unless it is absolutely necessary and yet I get bombarded with a zillion sms and sales call trying to selling me almost everything under the sun.

Recently I found a dirty tactic used by Club Mahindra in the Central Mall, Bangalore. They have a pre-paid parking and the patrons are expected to pay for the parking before entering. This enterprising agent would be right next to the collection booth and would ask for your phone number and name. Hence giving an illusion that it is to ensure that the mall authorities could reach you in case of any issue/incident with your car. My friend just happened to peep into the form where he was entering the data to see a small logo of Club Mahindra. He raised a huge issue and tore few of his forms and pamphlets, however I don’t think that would have deterred him from not continuing his pursuit.

Similarly they have a lucky draw scheme in which everybody is a winner. They would say that you have won a 2 nights stay in one of their remote properties. However the fine print translates into the fact that one has to make a reservations atleast 2 months in advance, plus it has to be a week day of the off season. Also they would charge a 1000/- per night for water and electricity (I don’t consume so much water and electricity for the entire month).

A stitch in time saves nine

Last week, I had the fortune of visiting the nuclear power station at Rawatbhatta (Rajasthan). Amongst many things, I really admired the disaster prevention philosophy they had adopted.

In the words of our local escort and guide:

“In today’s world we devote a disproportionately high time in disaster prevention and recovery. However most disasters are usually preceded by major incidents. Major incidents are preceded by incidents -> minor incidents -> Near Misses -> Significant Events -> Events.

However we are so engrossed in firefighting the major incidents that we forget to root cause them. Usually a disaster is a result of series of minor issues that were detected early on, but the people were too busy to address and rectify them.”

Then he went about explaining me the various safety measures deployed and also how every event (no matter how insignificant) is recorded and analyzed. Also how that helps NPCL design better and safer plants etc.

Corporate promotion apart, what I really felt was that this philosophy could be really employed in our everyday life. Rather than trying to locate the last straw that broke the camel’s back, we should really try to do something to the rest of the burden the camel was carrying.