The Gay Purse Theorem

I didn’t make any publications, appeared in journals etc. during my academic years but I did come up with some theorems. Not the kind which will be a part of a hypothesis, and certainly not a part of any curriculum, but the kind you come up with when the combination of sleep depravedness and a little too much scotch hits your brain. Well, I am presenting the first of them – the gay purse theorem.

It so happened that one of my close friends and I were out shopping for his significant other as a welcome-to-Lucknow gift. It was her first visit to the city, and my friend wanted to be a gentleman for a change. He didn’t want to go alone for the shopping, so he asked me to tag along. Being the cheap bastard I have always been, I agreed to go only after he promised to get me a couple of drinks at the nearby pub. Now all said and done, when a guy shops for clothes or accessories, the only thing which stops him from selecting an item is the fact that it did not fit him. Not so much for gals. So when we arrived at the ladies section of a big, posh, departmental chain store, the realization hit us. No matter what we would pick, it wouldn’t be up-to-the-mark in her eyes. We would definitely score ‘A’ for effort, but the end result would be zero. So we decided to retire to the aforementioned pub and think. Of course, we had a moment of clarity about an hour later, so we went back to the store with our new theorem.

So, what our theorem states is this – In order to see what accessory suits your better half, you try it on yourself (hopefully, not in public eyes). The gayer you look with it, the better she will look in it. Your friend cannot try it for you because she is with you, not with him. Armed with this new revelation, we went forward and tried its practical application. As my friend tried on one purse after another, I gave him the necessary comments – “Gay…Very gay…ehh, not so gay…wow that is gay…ok gay.”

Turns out that the theorem was correct. My friend later reported me with its success. Sure beats getting published in a journal any day!!

The First Time

Laughed real hard at this e-mail forward –

I recall my first time with a condom. I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the local pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the beautiful young lady behind the counter (I think her name was Delores) knew what they were for.

She could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, “No, this is my first time.”

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.

I apparently still looked confused. She looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was. “Just a minute,” she said, walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.

“Do these excite you?” she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. “Well, come on,” she said, “We don’t have much time.”

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and, KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. “Did you put that condom on?” she asked.

I said, “I sure did,” and held up my thumb to show her.

Then she beat the shit out of me. Women have always been hard for me to figure out!

Studying

This is what we mean when we say we are studying hard. This video Forwarded by Ashish clearly depicts how we have mastered the art of sleeping with our eyes open.
however some students don’t learn.

My classroom after this long tiring lecture