toe-ring, sindhoor, managalsutra

Married women cover their heads with a ghoonghat… out of sight, out of mind. If you happen to catch them without one, you would see a bright red mark (sindhoor made from lead oxide) to warn you to look away. For those who like to check out the torso before looking at someone’s face… there will be a mangalsoothra hanging. If you observe from the side, there will be chuda (6-8 inches of bangles.. white red). For those with foot fetish, there are silver toe-rings worn only by married women.

All this makes me wonder why would anybody go to such lengths to make sure that their marital status is rightly advertised? Irrespective of from which angle you observe, whether its a shadow or a partial glimpse… there is no excuse for a a guy to confuse a married woman with a bachelorette.

On the other hand there are no corresponding marks worn by men. Due to Christian/Western influence some men do wear rings/bands, but this is more out of fashion and not due to cultural/religious beliefs.

In my earlier post, I wrote about how some woman make sure that their presence if felt (even when they are away). But except human beings, no other animal mark their body or wear signs to show their relationship status. But again man is an aberration as no other creature on this planet practices anything remotely close to a marriage.

As many feminist argue, marriage is a remnant of patriarchal institutions that existed for millenniums. Through a public ceremony, the whole society was notified that the women is in a relationship. This allowed men to travel for war & trade for extended periods without the fear of returning to an empty nest. (finding that their wives have eloped elsewhere). Even today’s Indian laws on adultery highlight the same perception… men are punished for having sex with someone else’s wife and not the adulterous wives. (even though, in the true sense its the wife who broke the contract not the outsider)

Although humans developed a concept of kinship & family early on, the early hunter gatherers developed marriage only around the time of extended military campaigns. Yes, you would blame me for linking wars & military history with everything.

A nice article on how the institution of marriage has evolved in the past 2 decades

Movie Review: The Descendants

It’s never too late to make amends.
The movie starts with a busy successful lawyer who discovers that his wife sustained fatal injuries in an accident and is under life-support. It then gives a peep into his glamorous but dysfunctional life in which the elder of his 2 estranged daughters is a drug addict (and dating a complete moron) and the other is a spoilt brat who grew up. He also discovers that his wife was cheating on him.
Great directions and story-line make this movie perfect for one lazy afternoon.

 

their confidence shakes me

Background:
1) This pair of love-birds have been together for quite a long time and understand each other so well that they usually complete each others sentences.
2) The guy is typical, indifferent with the fact whom he settles with. All he hopes that he should be the first love of his wife (unfortunately he is not her first love but he did not care that either)
3) The girl loves this guy; her parents do not reject this guy. However they say she deserves better (well he is educated and has a good job, attractive looking too. BUT you know parents… )
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I was tried to reason her against her decision of going for an arranged marriage.
I got a answer…..

1) Marriage is a relationship of 2 families and not just 2 souls.

2) Every relationship has ups and down. When there are good, you do not care about the world, but it is at the time of downs that you look forward for support. What I fear is that when I look forward for it, my parents might say “I TOLD YOU SO! I know this is going to happen ….” and his parents will not have that sense of belonginess for me. They might feel “ Sadak se ladka kisi ko utha laye tab bhi manna padta” (We are compelled to agree even if our son selects any random bride)

3) When two souls live together, love is bound to happen. I am sure within a few months I will forget all about “present guy” and devote myself fully to the husband.

The guy is adamant. He says, she has to take the decision and he will support and respect it as if it was his decision only. I cannot force my love on anybody.

Both of them are sure of what they are doing, but I am wondering “Is it a matured thought of these two love-birds or another relation is breaking prematurely.”